Wow, it’s been a long time since my last post. It’s a lame excuse, but I’ve been busy. Let’s just recap all the things that have happened in the past six months (not necessarily in chronological order).
I graduated from college. Goodbye, Sheffield U! It was sad to say goodbye to the place, but damn, I’d been there for a long time.
I quit my job at the credit union.
My mom was declared in remission, so no more chemo and radiation for her.
I got the job in New York.
I moved to New York.
Heather and I broke up.
Let’s just say the past half-year has been a rollercoaster. Apparently that’s what your mid-twenties are all about; at least that’s what “they” say. Apparently it’s totally normal to take a job so you can be close to your girlfriend and move to a huge new city and not have any money and subsist on ramen noodles and Keystone Light and then have your girlfriend break up with you to be with some douchnozzle named Vaughn (speculating). It’s all part of the process.
For the record, I did not move to New York solely for the purpose of being near Heather or to “suffocate her”. I would be lying if I said she wasn’t a factor in the decision, but the truth is, I love New York and I had a fantastic job opportunity that I would have been crazy to pass up. Like seriously insane. And the job has turned out really well and I love working there, and in spite of all the shit that has gone down in the time that I’ve been here I still really love New York. I am not going to be driven out by bad memories.
Heather and I are still “friendly”, but we’re not friends. It’s difficult to be friends with the girl who broke your heart and to put it simply that’s exactly what she did. Things really started going downhill after our anniversary, and by the time graduation rolled around, the situation was pretty bad. And yes, I selfishly believed that moving to New York and actually being near each other again would help the situation. It didn’t, and that’s where all the crap about me suffocating her comes in, and next thing you know we’re breaking up in my apartment the week before Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t a knock down drag out fight; it was one of those excruciating adult conversations where you finally accept what’s happening and execute the only possible solution. We’ve talked since then, and I’m not just talking about the tearful phone calls in the first couple weeks begging her to give us another chance. We’ve seen each other a couple times, we met for coffee once, and went out for pizza another time. But we don’t talk on a regular basis and we certainly don’t “hang out.” She’s in my life, but on the perimeter. And that’s where she’ll have to stay for now while I get my shit together and try to move on.
June 14, 2009
October 27, 2008
Happy anniversary?
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
I made it to New York without incident, made it to Heather’s without incident, and was waiting for her when she got home at 5 p.m. She seemed really excited to see me, and she was definitely surprised – she had mentioned that her roommate had been acting really nosy, and of course I couldn’t tell her that I was the reason why. There will be a lot less tension in that apartment now.
She seemed extra surprised that I had brought her flowers, and then when I started pulling gifts out of my backpack for her to open she was really confused and kept asking what they were for. I thought she was joking, but I finally realized that she had forgotten our anniversary.
I hadn’t been able to talk to her on the actual day – she had called while I was at work in the afternoon, and when I called her back later that night and couldn’t get ahold of her I didn’t want to leave her a “happy anniversary” voicemail. I wanted to tell her myself, and when she didn’t call back that night I decided I would wait until the next day to do it in person.
She felt really bad, and apologized about a million times, and I know she’s been busy lately, but I really couldn’t help but feel slighted. I know things are changing, and that we’re going to have to adapt, but the fact that I went through all this effort to celebrate our anniversary when she couldn’t even be bothered to remember it bothered me a lot more than I cared to admit to her. Is that selfish of me?
The rest of the weekend went well. While she was in class and giving voice lessons on Friday I wandered around the city, and walked past the radio station I’m interviewing with next week. I haven’t told Heather about the interview yet, and I don’t think I’m going to until after I’ve heard something back from them. It doesn’t seem worth bothering her over something like that just yet.
We went to see Avenue Q Saturday night. It was really hilarious, and we kept singing the songs to each other the rest of the weekend. We went out for drinks with some of her friends Saturday night, including Vaughn, the guy she’s been spending so much time with. He seems pretty cool, I just hope he doesn’t think I’m a douchebag.
I had to be at the airport late yesterday morning for my 1 p.m. flight, so we grabbed breakfast before I left. We had some time to talk over the weekend and got some things worked out, but I don’t really know if it’s actually going to be better or if it just seemed like it because we were actually together at the time. We promised to make an effort to talk to each other every day, so I guess that’s something. I’m not trying to pretend like I know what’s going on with her right now, but I think I made it very clear that I want to make things work between us. I can only hope she feels the same way.
The flight back was uneventful, save for the million thoughts spinning around in my head. Maybe I’m overreacting about her forgetting our anniversary, but it’s still really bothering me. I’ll get over it, I’m sure, and I think if things start improving between us that will help speed up the process. Plus, I have a lot going on this week, including the phone interview with the New York station at 9 a.m. on Wednesday, so that will help keep my mind off things. I hope.
I made it to New York without incident, made it to Heather’s without incident, and was waiting for her when she got home at 5 p.m. She seemed really excited to see me, and she was definitely surprised – she had mentioned that her roommate had been acting really nosy, and of course I couldn’t tell her that I was the reason why. There will be a lot less tension in that apartment now.
She seemed extra surprised that I had brought her flowers, and then when I started pulling gifts out of my backpack for her to open she was really confused and kept asking what they were for. I thought she was joking, but I finally realized that she had forgotten our anniversary.
I hadn’t been able to talk to her on the actual day – she had called while I was at work in the afternoon, and when I called her back later that night and couldn’t get ahold of her I didn’t want to leave her a “happy anniversary” voicemail. I wanted to tell her myself, and when she didn’t call back that night I decided I would wait until the next day to do it in person.
She felt really bad, and apologized about a million times, and I know she’s been busy lately, but I really couldn’t help but feel slighted. I know things are changing, and that we’re going to have to adapt, but the fact that I went through all this effort to celebrate our anniversary when she couldn’t even be bothered to remember it bothered me a lot more than I cared to admit to her. Is that selfish of me?
The rest of the weekend went well. While she was in class and giving voice lessons on Friday I wandered around the city, and walked past the radio station I’m interviewing with next week. I haven’t told Heather about the interview yet, and I don’t think I’m going to until after I’ve heard something back from them. It doesn’t seem worth bothering her over something like that just yet.
We went to see Avenue Q Saturday night. It was really hilarious, and we kept singing the songs to each other the rest of the weekend. We went out for drinks with some of her friends Saturday night, including Vaughn, the guy she’s been spending so much time with. He seems pretty cool, I just hope he doesn’t think I’m a douchebag.
I had to be at the airport late yesterday morning for my 1 p.m. flight, so we grabbed breakfast before I left. We had some time to talk over the weekend and got some things worked out, but I don’t really know if it’s actually going to be better or if it just seemed like it because we were actually together at the time. We promised to make an effort to talk to each other every day, so I guess that’s something. I’m not trying to pretend like I know what’s going on with her right now, but I think I made it very clear that I want to make things work between us. I can only hope she feels the same way.
The flight back was uneventful, save for the million thoughts spinning around in my head. Maybe I’m overreacting about her forgetting our anniversary, but it’s still really bothering me. I’ll get over it, I’m sure, and I think if things start improving between us that will help speed up the process. Plus, I have a lot going on this week, including the phone interview with the New York station at 9 a.m. on Wednesday, so that will help keep my mind off things. I hope.
October 22, 2008
Things could always be worse
Man, this week is kicking my ass. Between having to be at work at 5:30 a.m., actually attending classes, working afternoons at the credit union and then trying to study at night, I am beat.
Of course I let Brett talk me into going to the bars last night – some girl he knows was turning 21 and I got roped into celebrating with the bar sluts. I didn’t drink that much because I had to drive home, but I didn’t get home until 2 a.m., something this old body isn’t that used to anymore. Usually at 2 a.m. I’ve been sleeping for three hours. I am definitely paying for it today.
Being so busy means I have had almost zero time to talk to Heather. Our schedules do not seem to be coinciding this week and it seems like we’re living out in real life what Jim and Pam were dealing with on last week’s episode of The Office. She called last night about 9:30, when I was at the bar, and I went outside and talked to her for a few minutes but then she had to go do something, and by the time I got home it was too late to call her back.
Things will get better, I know, it’s just difficult right now.
On a lighter note, I saw some drunk ass girls last night. I saw two girls puke in the bar. I’m glad I’m not them today.
Of course I let Brett talk me into going to the bars last night – some girl he knows was turning 21 and I got roped into celebrating with the bar sluts. I didn’t drink that much because I had to drive home, but I didn’t get home until 2 a.m., something this old body isn’t that used to anymore. Usually at 2 a.m. I’ve been sleeping for three hours. I am definitely paying for it today.
Being so busy means I have had almost zero time to talk to Heather. Our schedules do not seem to be coinciding this week and it seems like we’re living out in real life what Jim and Pam were dealing with on last week’s episode of The Office. She called last night about 9:30, when I was at the bar, and I went outside and talked to her for a few minutes but then she had to go do something, and by the time I got home it was too late to call her back.
Things will get better, I know, it’s just difficult right now.
On a lighter note, I saw some drunk ass girls last night. I saw two girls puke in the bar. I’m glad I’m not them today.
October 20, 2008
Heather in the City
Well things have finally slowed down a little here, I think I'm finally finding my "groove." Not that I'm learning my way around the city at all, that's going to take years, if I make it that long. But I'm able to get to and from class without a problem, and can usually find my way to a deli or coffee shop without a problem. Yes, I still go to coffee shops, even if I spent nearly every day of the last few years in one. You know, it's almost comforting. And a welcome escape from studying, and the dorm life.
Speaking of dorm life, my roommate Alison has really been getting on my nerves lately. She was fine at first, but in the past week, she's been really nosy, asking what my plans are all the time, and where I'm going when I'm heading out. I don't know if she's looking for an invitation or what, but it's frustrating, I feel like I have to sneak around at times. I'm not opposed to hanging out with her, but I just need some Heather time. We sleep in the same room, we don't have to eat together or study together all the time. I'm really looking forward to this weekend, though, I've made some plans with some of my new girlfriends, and I've been able to keep it a secret from Alison! We aren't going to go wild and crazy, just exploring the town, some shopping, and maybe going to a show. Oh, and a trip to Nathan's Famous. I went to one on a trip to St. Louis, but come on, I'm in New York, I think I have to have the original!
Well, it's time for bed. If I'm going to have fun this weekend, I'm going to have to bust my hump during the week, so I can have some free time. On top of everything, I may start giving some vocal lessons this week, if I can find the patience to deal with kids. The ones that are good I won't have a problem with, it's the ones that don't have the natural talent that I'm afraid will drive me up the wall. But hey, money is money, I'm not going to ruin anyone's dream.
Speaking of dorm life, my roommate Alison has really been getting on my nerves lately. She was fine at first, but in the past week, she's been really nosy, asking what my plans are all the time, and where I'm going when I'm heading out. I don't know if she's looking for an invitation or what, but it's frustrating, I feel like I have to sneak around at times. I'm not opposed to hanging out with her, but I just need some Heather time. We sleep in the same room, we don't have to eat together or study together all the time. I'm really looking forward to this weekend, though, I've made some plans with some of my new girlfriends, and I've been able to keep it a secret from Alison! We aren't going to go wild and crazy, just exploring the town, some shopping, and maybe going to a show. Oh, and a trip to Nathan's Famous. I went to one on a trip to St. Louis, but come on, I'm in New York, I think I have to have the original!
Well, it's time for bed. If I'm going to have fun this weekend, I'm going to have to bust my hump during the week, so I can have some free time. On top of everything, I may start giving some vocal lessons this week, if I can find the patience to deal with kids. The ones that are good I won't have a problem with, it's the ones that don't have the natural talent that I'm afraid will drive me up the wall. But hey, money is money, I'm not going to ruin anyone's dream.
In motion
Plane ticket? Check. I arrive at LaGuardia at 2:33 p.m. EDT on Thursday, October 23rd. I will then hop in the Super Shuttle, which will take me to Heather’s. Perhaps it’s not the least expensive option, but it’s definitely cheaper than a cab, and easier than trying to navigate the subway or bus lines.
Awesome anniversary gift? Check. I made Heather a DVD of pictures from the past year of our relationship, set to “our song,” “The Reasons” by the Weakerthans. But that’s not all – I got her a Sheffield U. hoodie, because she was complaining a couple weeks ago that it’s perfect hoodie weather but her favorite Sheffield one is falling apart, and a book of crossword puzzles for her to fill out while she does her laundry. I also got tickets for us to see Avenue Q on Saturday – she loves musicals and I decided I could tolerate this one because it’s funny and vulgar, and I like funny and vulgar.
Flowers? Check…almost. There’s a flower shop just a couple blocks from Heather’s, and since I packed light (I’m only going to be gone for the weekend, her gifts are small and there’s also a baggage fee on nearly every airline, so I'm carrying on) I don’t mind hoofing it over there to pick her up a dozen red roses.
I think I’m pretty damn romantic, really. Heather and I have been so out of sync lately that I think we really need a weekend to reconnect, and I am really excited to surprise her for our anniversary, even if it is a day late.
And I have another surprise for her – there’s a radio station in New York that’s interested in interviewing me! I’m doing a telephone interview next Wednesday morning for a production position. I’m pumped about it. I never really dreamed of a career in radio, but the more time I’ve spent in the field the more I’ve become interested in it, and I actually feel qualified to be an actual producer, which is weird since I’ve never in my entire life really felt qualified to do anything. I didn’t think I would ever be the one to look forward to entering the “real world” and yet, here I am. It’s funny how things work out.
Awesome anniversary gift? Check. I made Heather a DVD of pictures from the past year of our relationship, set to “our song,” “The Reasons” by the Weakerthans. But that’s not all – I got her a Sheffield U. hoodie, because she was complaining a couple weeks ago that it’s perfect hoodie weather but her favorite Sheffield one is falling apart, and a book of crossword puzzles for her to fill out while she does her laundry. I also got tickets for us to see Avenue Q on Saturday – she loves musicals and I decided I could tolerate this one because it’s funny and vulgar, and I like funny and vulgar.
Flowers? Check…almost. There’s a flower shop just a couple blocks from Heather’s, and since I packed light (I’m only going to be gone for the weekend, her gifts are small and there’s also a baggage fee on nearly every airline, so I'm carrying on) I don’t mind hoofing it over there to pick her up a dozen red roses.
I think I’m pretty damn romantic, really. Heather and I have been so out of sync lately that I think we really need a weekend to reconnect, and I am really excited to surprise her for our anniversary, even if it is a day late.
And I have another surprise for her – there’s a radio station in New York that’s interested in interviewing me! I’m doing a telephone interview next Wednesday morning for a production position. I’m pumped about it. I never really dreamed of a career in radio, but the more time I’ve spent in the field the more I’ve become interested in it, and I actually feel qualified to be an actual producer, which is weird since I’ve never in my entire life really felt qualified to do anything. I didn’t think I would ever be the one to look forward to entering the “real world” and yet, here I am. It’s funny how things work out.
October 10, 2008
It's just been that kind of week
Well, this has been a kind of uneventful, and incredibly frustrating, week for me. I’m on thin ice with the credit union – my drawer was $85 short on Monday. It’s the first time I’ve ever been off in the time I’ve worked there, which I think is pretty impressive, especially since it seems like a couple of the other tellers are off a couple times per week. Then I had one of the production assistants on the morning show I’m producing walk out on me on Tuesday – a really classy move on his part. So I’ve spent the rest of the week scrambling to get things done. It helps the mornings go by fast, but it’s stressful.
I also had midterms this week, so when I wasn’t working or taking tests, I was holed up in my regular spot at Brews Brothers studying. Devon and Derek both have girlfriends now who spend the majority of their time at our house, and while they’re both very sweet (and, I’m not going to lie, pretty attractive) it’s impossible to concentrate on anything with four people clamoring around the house. It’s not dead silent at Brews Brothers by any means, but I can focus there.
This left very little time to talk to Heather this week, but what little I did talk to her, she seemed tense and things were incredibly strained between us. She’s getting out and meeting people, and that’s good. She’s been spending a lot of time with this guy Vaughn. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with her having guy friends – it’s not like I don’t have plenty of friends who are girls. I just hate that other people get to spend time with her and I don’t.
I’ve hatched a plan, though – a surprise visit next weekend. I conned her roommate into making sure Heather doesn’t make any plans so she’ll be around when I get in on Thursday night. Hopefully this little random act of romance will give our relationship the kick in the ass it needs.
I also had midterms this week, so when I wasn’t working or taking tests, I was holed up in my regular spot at Brews Brothers studying. Devon and Derek both have girlfriends now who spend the majority of their time at our house, and while they’re both very sweet (and, I’m not going to lie, pretty attractive) it’s impossible to concentrate on anything with four people clamoring around the house. It’s not dead silent at Brews Brothers by any means, but I can focus there.
This left very little time to talk to Heather this week, but what little I did talk to her, she seemed tense and things were incredibly strained between us. She’s getting out and meeting people, and that’s good. She’s been spending a lot of time with this guy Vaughn. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with her having guy friends – it’s not like I don’t have plenty of friends who are girls. I just hate that other people get to spend time with her and I don’t.
I’ve hatched a plan, though – a surprise visit next weekend. I conned her roommate into making sure Heather doesn’t make any plans so she’ll be around when I get in on Thursday night. Hopefully this little random act of romance will give our relationship the kick in the ass it needs.
October 08, 2008
An East Coast Girl
I got into Juilliard! With a scholarship and everything! Things have been soooo busy all summer long, into the fall, I feel like things haven't sunk in, hasn't hit me, even a month into my first semester. I mean, I've been in New York for a couple months, but it doesn't feel like home yet, I still feel like I'm going to be going back to Sheffield in a few days. I'm not. Well, eventually I will be, you know, to visit friends, family, Chad. He's been great through all of this, even helping me move and visiting once, but both of us are a little overwhelmed with things right now - he's taking a ton of classes to finish up his degree and helping his mom out when he can, and I'm always studying, practicing, or trying to get my bearings.
I've made a few friends out here, there are definitely some cool people, but then there are also the stereotypical "music people." Everyone's been in the same boat lately, so we've been all hanging out together, but I can definitely notice some cliques forming. I'm not quite sure I fit into one yet, but there are a few people that I've hung out with one more than one occasion. And one of them is a guy, which is driving Chad up the wall with jealousy, but what am I supposed to do? I had guy friends back home, I've had guy friends all my life. I know we're a thousand miles apart right now, so it's a big adjustment all around, but still, I'm not going to sit in my dorm by myself all the time. I think he realizes that there's no threat to him, he just is jealous that other people are able to hang out with me when he isn't. And I understand. It's been a trying time, but we both think it's worth it.
I just have to figure out when I can make a trip home. I'll be back for Thanksgiving, but I think a lot of that time will be spent with family, which is frustrating. Same with Christmas. And my weekends are completely booked well into next semester. It's been a point of contention, but there's nothing I can do about it. Plus, my scholarship covers room and board, but not much else. I didn't save as much as I should have, so I'm trying to cut costs where I can, until I find a job with extremely flexible hours to have some sort of income. I know I'm in the city that never sleeps, but this girl definitely get cranky without it.
I've made a few friends out here, there are definitely some cool people, but then there are also the stereotypical "music people." Everyone's been in the same boat lately, so we've been all hanging out together, but I can definitely notice some cliques forming. I'm not quite sure I fit into one yet, but there are a few people that I've hung out with one more than one occasion. And one of them is a guy, which is driving Chad up the wall with jealousy, but what am I supposed to do? I had guy friends back home, I've had guy friends all my life. I know we're a thousand miles apart right now, so it's a big adjustment all around, but still, I'm not going to sit in my dorm by myself all the time. I think he realizes that there's no threat to him, he just is jealous that other people are able to hang out with me when he isn't. And I understand. It's been a trying time, but we both think it's worth it.
I just have to figure out when I can make a trip home. I'll be back for Thanksgiving, but I think a lot of that time will be spent with family, which is frustrating. Same with Christmas. And my weekends are completely booked well into next semester. It's been a point of contention, but there's nothing I can do about it. Plus, my scholarship covers room and board, but not much else. I didn't save as much as I should have, so I'm trying to cut costs where I can, until I find a job with extremely flexible hours to have some sort of income. I know I'm in the city that never sleeps, but this girl definitely get cranky without it.
September 30, 2008
A few things
1. Heather got into Juilliard.
2. Heather moved to New York in August.
3. For those of you keeping track, I was supposed to graduate in May 2009.
4. I am still living in Sheffield.
Yes, Heather got into Juilliard. What, did you think she wouldn’t? The day she got the letter she did the totally girly, “Oh I can’t possibly open it Chad, won’t you do it for me?” routine and I was happy to oblige. Then one of us danced around and screamed like a little girl. I won’t name names, but it wasn’t not me.
So, yeah, Heather moved to New York. There was a lot of dancing around the issue of what would happen to “us,” mostly because I am a guy and, like most guys, do my best to avoid emotional confrontations, so I did my best not to bring it up. We were finally forced to talk about it and decided it was definitely worth staying together. We agreed that one of us will fly to see the other once a month, twice a month if possible, alternating if possible. Of course, the economy is in a tailspin right now and do you know how expensive it is to fly? Thankfully my dad had a bunch of frequent flier miles he wasn’t going to use that he was able to transfer to me, so those will help offset some of our travel expenses. So far I have been to New York twice (once to help Heather move, and once for our first monthly visit a couple weekends ago) and Heather has been to Sheffield zero times. I am not keeping score.
School is back in full swing and I have been doing something really strange this semester – actually trying. I decided toward the end of the summer that I would take extra credits for the fall semester and graduate in December. This caused my mother endless amounts of joy, and for someone who’s spent the past several months undergoing chemo and radiation and basically feeling like she’s been hit by a freight train, endless amounts of joy have been in short supply. Therefore, it’s hard to be annoyed when she still tells me every time I talk to her how excited she is that I’m graduating early. Her cancer is in remission and her hair is starting to grow back a little bit, and I’m really proud of her.
Graduating early means I only have a couple months left of the college life before I have to enter the “real world” unless I go to grad school, which in no way excites me. I’ve actually been looking for jobs – I know, odd for a procrastinator like me to think ahead. And, yes, I'm looking for jobs in New York.
So, that’s life for me (in a nutshell). What’s new with you?
2. Heather moved to New York in August.
3. For those of you keeping track, I was supposed to graduate in May 2009.
4. I am still living in Sheffield.
Yes, Heather got into Juilliard. What, did you think she wouldn’t? The day she got the letter she did the totally girly, “Oh I can’t possibly open it Chad, won’t you do it for me?” routine and I was happy to oblige. Then one of us danced around and screamed like a little girl. I won’t name names, but it wasn’t not me.
So, yeah, Heather moved to New York. There was a lot of dancing around the issue of what would happen to “us,” mostly because I am a guy and, like most guys, do my best to avoid emotional confrontations, so I did my best not to bring it up. We were finally forced to talk about it and decided it was definitely worth staying together. We agreed that one of us will fly to see the other once a month, twice a month if possible, alternating if possible. Of course, the economy is in a tailspin right now and do you know how expensive it is to fly? Thankfully my dad had a bunch of frequent flier miles he wasn’t going to use that he was able to transfer to me, so those will help offset some of our travel expenses. So far I have been to New York twice (once to help Heather move, and once for our first monthly visit a couple weekends ago) and Heather has been to Sheffield zero times. I am not keeping score.
School is back in full swing and I have been doing something really strange this semester – actually trying. I decided toward the end of the summer that I would take extra credits for the fall semester and graduate in December. This caused my mother endless amounts of joy, and for someone who’s spent the past several months undergoing chemo and radiation and basically feeling like she’s been hit by a freight train, endless amounts of joy have been in short supply. Therefore, it’s hard to be annoyed when she still tells me every time I talk to her how excited she is that I’m graduating early. Her cancer is in remission and her hair is starting to grow back a little bit, and I’m really proud of her.
Graduating early means I only have a couple months left of the college life before I have to enter the “real world” unless I go to grad school, which in no way excites me. I’ve actually been looking for jobs – I know, odd for a procrastinator like me to think ahead. And, yes, I'm looking for jobs in New York.
So, that’s life for me (in a nutshell). What’s new with you?
March 14, 2008
New York, New York
Well, Heather and I survived our first “vacation” together. It was a bit dicey at times before her audition, when she was a giant ball of nerves. I tried to be the caring and understanding and compassionate guy that I am, and tried to be receptive to her needs and her feelings, but to be frank she started acting like a big baby pretty much the second we got off the plane at La Guardia. It happened that it was raining and a little bit chilly – not cold but cool - during our time there and she refused to be outside. At all. I know she was preserving her voice, but couldn't she have bundled up? Anyway, the time we should have spent sightseeing we spent holed up in the hotel room. We watched The Today Show on TV one morning when we should have been AT The Today Show. And, I’m a guy. Spending hours upon hours in a hotel room with your hot girlfriend is a pretty awesome scenario, but it got old, even for me.
I think I was more relieved when her audition was over than she was.
She nailed her audition, of course; I know this because she “doesn’t feel she did very well,” which is Heather-speak for “I nailed it,” but she won’t find out for awhile if she got in. She didn’t want me to be there for the audition, so I finally got to hit the streets and actually see some of New York. I took the subway downtown and went to the Empire State Building, which I know Heather would never have gone for anyway since she’s scared of heights, and went to Times Square and Rockefeller Center. I didn’t know how much time I would have before she was done (she had to be at Lincoln Center at 10 a.m. and there was a possibility that she could have been there until 10 p.m.) so I just walked around, exploring, until she called me about 3:30 and said she was done. Before I got back on the subway I happened to pass a florist so I stopped and bought her a dozen red roses, and when I met her back at our hotel it was tres romantic.
I had promised her a fancy romantic dinner while we were there, so I had made reservations at Tavern on the Green for the night of her audition in the hopes that she would be out in time. Luckily, we had plenty of time to make it to dinner at 7 p.m. I know it’s kind of a New York cliché, but the meal was really amazing and the restaurant is gorgeous. I think Heather enjoyed it, and I know she loves to get all dolled up. It was really nice to just unwind after the tension of our first couple days in the city. The next day we really got to do some sightseeing…as in, we saw what there was to see in the cab ride from our hotel back to La Guardia.
It was a good trip, though, and I know Heather is glad to be through with the audition. Now, we just wait to see if she gets in to Juilliard. And I wonder, if she does get in, what happens to us…
I think I was more relieved when her audition was over than she was.
She nailed her audition, of course; I know this because she “doesn’t feel she did very well,” which is Heather-speak for “I nailed it,” but she won’t find out for awhile if she got in. She didn’t want me to be there for the audition, so I finally got to hit the streets and actually see some of New York. I took the subway downtown and went to the Empire State Building, which I know Heather would never have gone for anyway since she’s scared of heights, and went to Times Square and Rockefeller Center. I didn’t know how much time I would have before she was done (she had to be at Lincoln Center at 10 a.m. and there was a possibility that she could have been there until 10 p.m.) so I just walked around, exploring, until she called me about 3:30 and said she was done. Before I got back on the subway I happened to pass a florist so I stopped and bought her a dozen red roses, and when I met her back at our hotel it was tres romantic.
I had promised her a fancy romantic dinner while we were there, so I had made reservations at Tavern on the Green for the night of her audition in the hopes that she would be out in time. Luckily, we had plenty of time to make it to dinner at 7 p.m. I know it’s kind of a New York cliché, but the meal was really amazing and the restaurant is gorgeous. I think Heather enjoyed it, and I know she loves to get all dolled up. It was really nice to just unwind after the tension of our first couple days in the city. The next day we really got to do some sightseeing…as in, we saw what there was to see in the cab ride from our hotel back to La Guardia.
It was a good trip, though, and I know Heather is glad to be through with the audition. Now, we just wait to see if she gets in to Juilliard. And I wonder, if she does get in, what happens to us…
February 27, 2008
This is it
In the past few weeks, there's only been one thing on my mind: my audition at Juilliard. It's finally here! Well, almost. Next week. But Chad and I are leaving tomorrow for New York City. The only time that worked out for both of us to go and have some time for site-seeing is this weekend. It's too bad that I won't be able to enjoy any of it. If the weather's cold, I don't even think I'll want to go outside, I'm too paranoid of getting a cold or sore throat or something right before the audition. The audition is Monday, and we're not leaving until Wednesday morning, so I guess I'll have a day to unwind and take everything in. As long as I don't totally screw everything up in the audition. Then I may as well just drink my sorrows away.
I'm performing the "Queen of the Night" aria, from Mozart's The Magic Flute, as my chosen piece. I know that it's one everyone knows and does, but I think I can impress them with it. I can get those high notes pretty well, so I'm hoping they'll see it. Who am I kidding, of course they'll notice, it's not like I'm singing for Chad. Not that he doesn't appreciate the music, he just doesn't quite get the difficulty of some things. I do adore him for trying, though, and putting forth the effort.
The second selection is one chosen by the jury, "Vissi d'arte," from Puccini's La Tosca. I've done this one once before, years ago, so I feel alright with it. But when I think a little bit about it, I get nervous that I haven't focused on it enough in the past couple of weeks, and then I get into this whole spiral of worrying again. So I'm going avoid doing that from now until after the audition. There'll be plenty of time for worrying after that.
Well, time to start packing. While I'm not usually a "girly girl," I'm getting very excited to get all dressed up, both for the audition, and for the nice dinner that Chad's promised me. I told him we could just get a pizza and check out some places, but he is insisting on taking me out to a fancy-pants place. We'll see how things go!
I'm performing the "Queen of the Night" aria, from Mozart's The Magic Flute, as my chosen piece. I know that it's one everyone knows and does, but I think I can impress them with it. I can get those high notes pretty well, so I'm hoping they'll see it. Who am I kidding, of course they'll notice, it's not like I'm singing for Chad. Not that he doesn't appreciate the music, he just doesn't quite get the difficulty of some things. I do adore him for trying, though, and putting forth the effort.
The second selection is one chosen by the jury, "Vissi d'arte," from Puccini's La Tosca. I've done this one once before, years ago, so I feel alright with it. But when I think a little bit about it, I get nervous that I haven't focused on it enough in the past couple of weeks, and then I get into this whole spiral of worrying again. So I'm going avoid doing that from now until after the audition. There'll be plenty of time for worrying after that.
Well, time to start packing. While I'm not usually a "girly girl," I'm getting very excited to get all dressed up, both for the audition, and for the nice dinner that Chad's promised me. I told him we could just get a pizza and check out some places, but he is insisting on taking me out to a fancy-pants place. We'll see how things go!
February 04, 2008
The semester so far
Things are busy here in Sheffield, and by busy I mean ass cold. Seriously, you'd think we live in freaking Minnesota or something. I’ve been staying warm by never leaving the house except when I absolutely have to and by making lots of trips to Brews Brothers for hot cocoa and hot apple cider. Plus, Brews Brothers is about the only time I get to see Heather. I’m trying not to get too worked up about it, since she is following a dream and come March all this stress will be over, it just sucks not getting to spend any real time with her.
The radio station where I interned last semester called me and offered me a job a couple weeks ago. Can you believe that shit? They must be desperate. Regardless of the reason, I accepted it and am now assistant producer for the morning show. Luckily, this all happened early enough in the semester that I was able to rearrange my class schedule a little bit to work around it. The hours kind of suck – I have to be there at 5:30 a.m. – but it pays pretty decently (this would obviously increase exponentially if I were working full-time) and it will look great on my resume. It’s basically like another internship, only this time they’re paying me.
This weekend is Crazy Dayz in downtown Sheffield. Maybe they should have hired me at the Chamber of Commerce so I could veto “Crazy Dayz.” All the businesses are having huge sales, and they’re having a chili cook-off that Wyatt and Wendell are participating in. Yesterday I was in Brews Brothers around lunchtime and they offered me a bowl to taste-test. I never pass up free food, and it was pretty delicious. The credit union is doing giveaways and since the ladies on the teller line are going to be participating in the chili cook-off that leaves yours truly to hold down the crazy credit union. After being at work at 5:30 a.m. every single weekday I am not looking forward to being at the credit union at 8 on a Saturday, but I’ve been told there will be balloon animals so it might be fun.
The radio station where I interned last semester called me and offered me a job a couple weeks ago. Can you believe that shit? They must be desperate. Regardless of the reason, I accepted it and am now assistant producer for the morning show. Luckily, this all happened early enough in the semester that I was able to rearrange my class schedule a little bit to work around it. The hours kind of suck – I have to be there at 5:30 a.m. – but it pays pretty decently (this would obviously increase exponentially if I were working full-time) and it will look great on my resume. It’s basically like another internship, only this time they’re paying me.
This weekend is Crazy Dayz in downtown Sheffield. Maybe they should have hired me at the Chamber of Commerce so I could veto “Crazy Dayz.” All the businesses are having huge sales, and they’re having a chili cook-off that Wyatt and Wendell are participating in. Yesterday I was in Brews Brothers around lunchtime and they offered me a bowl to taste-test. I never pass up free food, and it was pretty delicious. The credit union is doing giveaways and since the ladies on the teller line are going to be participating in the chili cook-off that leaves yours truly to hold down the crazy credit union. After being at work at 5:30 a.m. every single weekday I am not looking forward to being at the credit union at 8 on a Saturday, but I’ve been told there will be balloon animals so it might be fun.
January 28, 2008
Finally, a few minutes
Right now I'm in between my practice studio time and my shift at Brews Bros, and should probably still be at the studio. I can only take so much singing at one time, though, especially if I'm going to be working all night long. Now that school has started back up, the place is busy again, all those kids who didn't do as well as they had hoped for in their first semester classes are already hitting the books. And already cranky. Luckily, I don't spend much time thinking about that, because my mind is usually elsewhere.
The last time that I was able to really relax was Christmas. I spent a couple of weeks at home with my family, not doing anything. That was amazing. Something else that was amazing was the necklace that Chad got for me! I love it! He better not have spent much on it, though, because I just got him a couple of the books he wanted and a decent sweater. I'm not sure if it lives up to the necklace I got.
January 18, 2008
Happy new year
Heather and I weathered the Christmas storm and I went against all my better instincts and the advice of friends and bought her jewelry. I really think Brett made a bigger deal of it than it was. Buying your girlfriend of a few months jewelry for Christmas is not exactly the same as running off to Vegas and eloping, nor is it like being engaged. I didn’t even put a ring of any kind on her finger, since I didn’t want her to get too many ideas. Instead, I got her a necklace – the pendant is an open gold circle with diamonds all around it on a gold chain. I’m sure she likes it because she gushed about it to everybody after we exchanged gifts and I have actually seen her wear it, and not just on days when she knows she’s going to see me. I think I did well.
She spent Christmas with her family and I spent Christmas with mine, although my family bugged me the entire time I was home to meet her, and evidently her family was doing the same to her. I guess meeting the parents is inevitable, and I’m sure hers are great and I know mine are too, it can just add unnecessary stress.
School started Monday – T minus five months to go before I graduate. As much as I disliked my internship last semester, it’s going to be really weird having all that free time. Heather is starting to think about what happens for her after graduation and apparently that is going to be grad school. Not just any grad school...Juilliard. It's not a done deal, but she sent in her application with a demo CD at the end of November and is going to be going to New York for a live audition. She asked me to go with her, so we’re going to take a few days off school and work and head out to NYC at the beginning of March. I’m sure it will be nerve-racking for her, but she is so excited about it. She’s worked really hard and she definitely deserves something like this. It’s evidently an honor even to get a live audition, so she’s already cleared one big hurdle. It’s an incredible opportunity for her, and it really makes me wonder what the hell I’m going to do with my life. And, what's going to happen to us in the future.
I would imagine, though, that the next few weeks are going to be pretty busy for her. She really thrives on that, whereas when I get that busy I just get frustrated and want to hide out in my living room with a bottle of Jack Daniels and my PS2.
She spent Christmas with her family and I spent Christmas with mine, although my family bugged me the entire time I was home to meet her, and evidently her family was doing the same to her. I guess meeting the parents is inevitable, and I’m sure hers are great and I know mine are too, it can just add unnecessary stress.
School started Monday – T minus five months to go before I graduate. As much as I disliked my internship last semester, it’s going to be really weird having all that free time. Heather is starting to think about what happens for her after graduation and apparently that is going to be grad school. Not just any grad school...Juilliard. It's not a done deal, but she sent in her application with a demo CD at the end of November and is going to be going to New York for a live audition. She asked me to go with her, so we’re going to take a few days off school and work and head out to NYC at the beginning of March. I’m sure it will be nerve-racking for her, but she is so excited about it. She’s worked really hard and she definitely deserves something like this. It’s evidently an honor even to get a live audition, so she’s already cleared one big hurdle. It’s an incredible opportunity for her, and it really makes me wonder what the hell I’m going to do with my life. And, what's going to happen to us in the future.
I would imagine, though, that the next few weeks are going to be pretty busy for her. She really thrives on that, whereas when I get that busy I just get frustrated and want to hide out in my living room with a bottle of Jack Daniels and my PS2.
December 10, 2007
A no-win situation
Well, somehow I managed to survive November (National Novel Writing Month, or National “My Girlfriend is Kind of Acting Like a Self-Centered Bitch” Month as I came to fondly think of it) Thanksgiving, my internship and the semester, and have arrived at finals week. I’m not too concerned about finals, but Heather is naturally stressed to the max. She spent all of dead week studying and rehearsing for her recital, which is going to be Wednesday night, and I spent it all working, drinking and eating too much.
Speaking of eating too much, my mom was feeling pretty good around Thanksgiving so she decided to go all out with Thanksgiving dinner. And I mean all out. I kept eating far beyond the point I first felt like I was going to explode, then spent the rest of the day on the couch, miserable and unable to move. A few hours later I got up and ate some leftovers, then returned to the couch. My brother and I were in such a food coma that we were too exhausted to even play video games. It was good to be home, though. I left Sheffield after work on Wednesday (Heather went home on Monday, saying she needed to get out of town to clear her mind and work on her manuscript) and got hammered with my high school friends, then stayed through the weekend. It was nice, and tough to come back, but the little break really refreshed me for the last couple weeks of my internship, which is officially over as of last Friday. I officially learned nothing, but my supervisor gave me rave reviews and it will look good on my resume, so rock on. Now I have just one semester to go before graduation and the real world.
I spent my fair share of time at Brews Brothers last week, trying to see as much of Heather as I could since she was pretty busy when she wasn't working. Wendell and Wyatt have developed what they said was a ‘groundbreaking’ new flavor of latte – egg nog. I was delighted to be the one to tell them that Starbucks thought of it first. Heather told me that Brews Brothers’ is way better and I believe her, but even though I love egg nog I still don’t love latte and I won’t be trying it anytime soon.
Since I’m not stressing out about finals and I have a lot of free time this week because I requested this week off from the credit union months ago, I finally have the chance to get Christmas shopping done. My brother is taking care of gifts for our parents, which is nice, but I still have to buy something for Heather. Brett keeps pestering me about what kind of gift I’m going to get her, but I haven’t really decided. I asked her to make me a list and she wrote down some pretty generic stuff, like DVDs and whatnot, but I’d like to get her something a little more meaningful. At the same time, if I get her something too meaningful it could change the entire dynamic of our relationship. For instance, I really like to pick out jewelry, but if I get her jewelry this soon what does that say? Does a necklace mean more than earrings? What about a bracelet? I could play it safe and just stick to the list, but if I do that then I look like an inconsiderate asshole.
Women. You just can't win.
Speaking of eating too much, my mom was feeling pretty good around Thanksgiving so she decided to go all out with Thanksgiving dinner. And I mean all out. I kept eating far beyond the point I first felt like I was going to explode, then spent the rest of the day on the couch, miserable and unable to move. A few hours later I got up and ate some leftovers, then returned to the couch. My brother and I were in such a food coma that we were too exhausted to even play video games. It was good to be home, though. I left Sheffield after work on Wednesday (Heather went home on Monday, saying she needed to get out of town to clear her mind and work on her manuscript) and got hammered with my high school friends, then stayed through the weekend. It was nice, and tough to come back, but the little break really refreshed me for the last couple weeks of my internship, which is officially over as of last Friday. I officially learned nothing, but my supervisor gave me rave reviews and it will look good on my resume, so rock on. Now I have just one semester to go before graduation and the real world.
I spent my fair share of time at Brews Brothers last week, trying to see as much of Heather as I could since she was pretty busy when she wasn't working. Wendell and Wyatt have developed what they said was a ‘groundbreaking’ new flavor of latte – egg nog. I was delighted to be the one to tell them that Starbucks thought of it first. Heather told me that Brews Brothers’ is way better and I believe her, but even though I love egg nog I still don’t love latte and I won’t be trying it anytime soon.
Since I’m not stressing out about finals and I have a lot of free time this week because I requested this week off from the credit union months ago, I finally have the chance to get Christmas shopping done. My brother is taking care of gifts for our parents, which is nice, but I still have to buy something for Heather. Brett keeps pestering me about what kind of gift I’m going to get her, but I haven’t really decided. I asked her to make me a list and she wrote down some pretty generic stuff, like DVDs and whatnot, but I’d like to get her something a little more meaningful. At the same time, if I get her something too meaningful it could change the entire dynamic of our relationship. For instance, I really like to pick out jewelry, but if I get her jewelry this soon what does that say? Does a necklace mean more than earrings? What about a bracelet? I could play it safe and just stick to the list, but if I do that then I look like an inconsiderate asshole.
Women. You just can't win.
November 14, 2007
It's the most something something time of the year
It's getting to be that frustrating time of the year. Midterms, cold weather, and the wonderful stress of holidays and family. This is the busy season for us at Brews Brothers, people walking past our store always stop in for some sort of coffee drink, or, our biggest seller, our specialty peppermint hot chocolate. I don't know how the W's came up with it, but people freaking love that drink. I'm not going to lie, it's a delicious drink. But some of these people act like it's Manna from the Gods. I guess it's kind of like me and the Shamrock Shake. (hmm, I wonder if it's a coincidence that these are both mint-inspired drinks. . .)
To add on to everything, I've decided to do NaNoWriMo. Yes, I've decided to write 50,000 words in one month. Maybe a few of them will make sense. Most likely, though, it'll be a bunch of crap. Why do I do it? Because, it's something that I've wanted to try to finish for a while, and maybe something to kick-start my creative juices. No one is going to read it, I'll be sure of that. Even though that's becoming a point of contention between me and Chad. He thinks I'm wasting my time, that he should have a right to read it, blah blah blah. What makes him think he has a right to read MY crap? I know it's not good. I don't need him to try to give me reassurance that it doesn't suck so hard. And I sure as hell don't need him to tell me that it sucks. Either way for him, it's a lose/lose situation, so really, I'm helping him out by not allowing him to read. But, we'll get into our usual fight about it, once he sees me pecking away at my laptop.
Aside from that, though, everything is going well for us. We're officially "boyfriend/girlfriend" now. I wasn't really planning on asking him in the manner that I did, but it was a really emotional moment that I don't need to get into right now. I think the main reason that I did it was to make it easier for both of us for Christmas. This way, neither of us is confused about if we should get the other a gift. Now we have to.
It's about bed time for me. I'm fighting a cold, I've had a headache for the past week, and my throat is constantly sore. I don't get sick that often, but when I do, my body goes all out. Of course it has to happen this time of the year. It couldn't wait for when I have 3 weeks off next month.
To add on to everything, I've decided to do NaNoWriMo. Yes, I've decided to write 50,000 words in one month. Maybe a few of them will make sense. Most likely, though, it'll be a bunch of crap. Why do I do it? Because, it's something that I've wanted to try to finish for a while, and maybe something to kick-start my creative juices. No one is going to read it, I'll be sure of that. Even though that's becoming a point of contention between me and Chad. He thinks I'm wasting my time, that he should have a right to read it, blah blah blah. What makes him think he has a right to read MY crap? I know it's not good. I don't need him to try to give me reassurance that it doesn't suck so hard. And I sure as hell don't need him to tell me that it sucks. Either way for him, it's a lose/lose situation, so really, I'm helping him out by not allowing him to read. But, we'll get into our usual fight about it, once he sees me pecking away at my laptop.
Aside from that, though, everything is going well for us. We're officially "boyfriend/girlfriend" now. I wasn't really planning on asking him in the manner that I did, but it was a really emotional moment that I don't need to get into right now. I think the main reason that I did it was to make it easier for both of us for Christmas. This way, neither of us is confused about if we should get the other a gift. Now we have to.
It's about bed time for me. I'm fighting a cold, I've had a headache for the past week, and my throat is constantly sore. I don't get sick that often, but when I do, my body goes all out. Of course it has to happen this time of the year. It couldn't wait for when I have 3 weeks off next month.
November 12, 2007
The daily grind
Well, November has been a busy month here in Sheffield. I'm busy getting the life sucked out of me at my "internship," and Heather is participating in National Novel Writing Month, or "NaNoWriMo" as the insiders call it. I had no idea Heather was even interested in writing until she informed me that she would be spending the month of November forcing out a 50,000 word novel. It's about quantity and not quality, so it's not like she's been asking me to edit it, and I've been told that I'll "never be able to read it" because she says it's so terrible, which makes me wonder why she's continuing to write the thing at all, and she says the whole point is to make it to 50,000 words, not write the next War and Peace, and then we stop talking about it.
We're both starting to get sick, too, which is so pleasant.
In news totally unrelated to Chad and Heather...is there any news totally unrelated to Chad and Heather, or "Cheather" as Brett has taken to calling us? Dana refers to us as the "Brangelina of Sheffield." I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing.
My mom is doing well, still doing the chemo thing, but hopefully kicking some cancer ass. I can't imagine how she manages to be so upbeat about the whole thing, but she is. It's like, "Cancer? What?" She's still working full-time. I don't even want to work full-time now when I'm completely healthy.
Back to the grind now - I'm closing at the credit union tonight and my break is almost over. Nothing like going to work after you get off work.
We're both starting to get sick, too, which is so pleasant.
In news totally unrelated to Chad and Heather...is there any news totally unrelated to Chad and Heather, or "Cheather" as Brett has taken to calling us? Dana refers to us as the "Brangelina of Sheffield." I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing.
My mom is doing well, still doing the chemo thing, but hopefully kicking some cancer ass. I can't imagine how she manages to be so upbeat about the whole thing, but she is. It's like, "Cancer? What?" She's still working full-time. I don't even want to work full-time now when I'm completely healthy.
Back to the grind now - I'm closing at the credit union tonight and my break is almost over. Nothing like going to work after you get off work.
October 23, 2007
It's official
Last night Heather came over for beers, pizza and Monday Night Football. She hates football, but she’s a fan of beer and pizza and decided that two out of three ain’t bad. She worked until 9, which gave me a little time to study! and take care of some stuff outside. The weather was gorgeous yesterday, so I took the opportunity to rake some leaves and sweep off the patio downstairs. This weekend my roommates are helping me take out the dock, something that should have been done a month ago. I think we’re the only house left on the lake with the dock still in, so we’re going to wet suit up and take care of it on Saturday morning.
Heather showed up about 9:30 and we ate and drank and watched football…during commercial breaks on CSI. She’s crafty, that one. I finally gave up the football dream and we watched the news and Letterman. Then during a commercial Heather turned to me and said there was something she needed to talk to me about.
I panicked. I don’t know what I was panicking about, but I definitely was. My mind was racing, thinking of anything I could possibly have done that would have pissed her off, and I couldn’t think of anything. I’ve been very careful to not do anything stupid lately so as not to ruin the good thing we have going on. I haven’t been to any strip clubs, haven’t gotten so hammered that I ended up walking into my next door neighbor’s house and passing out on their couch (that really happened), haven’t gotten kicked out of any bars for getting in some guy’s face about playing Nickelback on the jukebox…
“It’s none of my business, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I was just wondering if you needed someone to talk to about your family stuff.”
I felt like such a jackass at that point. And instead of being all strong and taking the “I am a rock” approach, as I had planned to do, I broke down. Complete, utter, sobbing, big baby breakdown. I told Heather that my mom had breast cancer, that she was going through chemotherapy and radiation and that she was doing well but it sucks. I told her that it’s really scary because even though my mom annoys the hell out of me on a fairly regular basis she’s also pretty damn important to me, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. I told Heather that I was sorry I didn’t tell her sooner, but I didn’t know how to bring it up and I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me and I knew she was busy and had her own things going on and I didn’t want to dump on her emotionally. I told her I really liked her and didn’t want to screw anything up by asking too much of her too soon, especially since she isn’t my girlfriend.
She was patient, and just listened to me. She didn’t seem weirded out by the fact that I was crying. In fact, when I told her my mom had cancer, even she teared up a little bit. She went on and on saying all of the supportive things that I totally needed to hear and then she said, “Do you want me to be your girlfriend?”
I paused. Was this some kind of trick question where she would say, "Haha, you big crying loser? See ya!" But I decided to risk it. “Yes,” I said. “I have wanted you to be my girlfriend for a really long time.” Then I added, “I’ve wanted you to be my girlfriend for a long time but I didn’t know if you felt the same way.”
Heather just looked at me. Then she kissed me. Then she said, “Chad, I would love to be your girlfriend.”
So, Heather and I had one of those adult conversations where we talked about our feelings and were all sappy and got all sorts of things figured out. I feel better knowing that I can open up to her.
And now we’re official. So official, in fact, that before we went to bed we both logged into our respective Facebook accounts and changed our relationship status to “In a Relationship with…” It feels great to finally be able to say that. Officially.
Heather showed up about 9:30 and we ate and drank and watched football…during commercial breaks on CSI. She’s crafty, that one. I finally gave up the football dream and we watched the news and Letterman. Then during a commercial Heather turned to me and said there was something she needed to talk to me about.
I panicked. I don’t know what I was panicking about, but I definitely was. My mind was racing, thinking of anything I could possibly have done that would have pissed her off, and I couldn’t think of anything. I’ve been very careful to not do anything stupid lately so as not to ruin the good thing we have going on. I haven’t been to any strip clubs, haven’t gotten so hammered that I ended up walking into my next door neighbor’s house and passing out on their couch (that really happened), haven’t gotten kicked out of any bars for getting in some guy’s face about playing Nickelback on the jukebox…
“It’s none of my business, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I was just wondering if you needed someone to talk to about your family stuff.”
I felt like such a jackass at that point. And instead of being all strong and taking the “I am a rock” approach, as I had planned to do, I broke down. Complete, utter, sobbing, big baby breakdown. I told Heather that my mom had breast cancer, that she was going through chemotherapy and radiation and that she was doing well but it sucks. I told her that it’s really scary because even though my mom annoys the hell out of me on a fairly regular basis she’s also pretty damn important to me, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. I told Heather that I was sorry I didn’t tell her sooner, but I didn’t know how to bring it up and I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me and I knew she was busy and had her own things going on and I didn’t want to dump on her emotionally. I told her I really liked her and didn’t want to screw anything up by asking too much of her too soon, especially since she isn’t my girlfriend.
She was patient, and just listened to me. She didn’t seem weirded out by the fact that I was crying. In fact, when I told her my mom had cancer, even she teared up a little bit. She went on and on saying all of the supportive things that I totally needed to hear and then she said, “Do you want me to be your girlfriend?”
I paused. Was this some kind of trick question where she would say, "Haha, you big crying loser? See ya!" But I decided to risk it. “Yes,” I said. “I have wanted you to be my girlfriend for a really long time.” Then I added, “I’ve wanted you to be my girlfriend for a long time but I didn’t know if you felt the same way.”
Heather just looked at me. Then she kissed me. Then she said, “Chad, I would love to be your girlfriend.”
So, Heather and I had one of those adult conversations where we talked about our feelings and were all sappy and got all sorts of things figured out. I feel better knowing that I can open up to her.
And now we’re official. So official, in fact, that before we went to bed we both logged into our respective Facebook accounts and changed our relationship status to “In a Relationship with…” It feels great to finally be able to say that. Officially.
October 22, 2007
Family stuff
Finally, a weekend off…sort of. I had taken Sunday off from the credit union and only worked from 8 to 11 Saturday morning thinking I could take the rest of the weekend to relax a little, maybe spend some time on the lakeside enjoying what was possibly the last nice warm day until June, and hang out with Heather. That got interrupted when I found out my mom was having a pretty bad day Saturday, and I ended up leaving after lunch to spend the night at home with my family.
I felt really bad bailing on Heather, especially since I gave no real explanation as to what I was doing. “Family stuff” is what I told her, which is the most generic explanation. I hope she didn’t take it to mean “I’m seeing other people.” I want to tell her what’s really going on, but it’s a hard thing to bring up. Everyone I’ve told so far has done the pity thing – “Oh, I’m so sorry” – which I find to be unnecessary; it is what it is. I mean, it’s cancer, and it sucks, but unless you gave my mom cancer, there’s no need to apologize. I know people are just being polite, but I would almost rather they say nothing at all.
I know Heather will be understanding and compassionate and will say all the right things just because that’s who she is, but I’m not sure I want to drag her into it. She isn’t even officially my girlfriend, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m dumping too much emotional baggage on her too soon.
Maybe I’ll tell her, maybe I won’t. But I know I have to say something more than just “family stuff” if I want her to stick around at all.
This week should be hectic at the radio station. There’s a new afternoon DJ (a.k.a. someone new to harass me) starting, and a contest going on where they’re giving away ten coupons every hour between 8 and 5 all week long for a free meal for two at the new sub shop in town. I’m hoping to steal a couple of the coupons for myself, especially after Heather and I ate there on Saturday and I found out that it’s delicious. Since I don’t get paid, I think it’s the least they can do. Since I’m the one actually ID’ing the winners and handing coupons out when people come to pick them up, it should be easy enough to snag a couple.
So, I’m sure I’ll be glad when this week is over, as usual. I’m hoping to make up for this weekend’s abandonment of Heather by taking her to the Architecture in Helsinki show on Sunday night. We’re both pretty obsessed with them at the moment, and Heather seemed excited when I brought it up. Maybe I’ll have figured out how to tell her about my “family stuff” by then.
I felt really bad bailing on Heather, especially since I gave no real explanation as to what I was doing. “Family stuff” is what I told her, which is the most generic explanation. I hope she didn’t take it to mean “I’m seeing other people.” I want to tell her what’s really going on, but it’s a hard thing to bring up. Everyone I’ve told so far has done the pity thing – “Oh, I’m so sorry” – which I find to be unnecessary; it is what it is. I mean, it’s cancer, and it sucks, but unless you gave my mom cancer, there’s no need to apologize. I know people are just being polite, but I would almost rather they say nothing at all.
I know Heather will be understanding and compassionate and will say all the right things just because that’s who she is, but I’m not sure I want to drag her into it. She isn’t even officially my girlfriend, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m dumping too much emotional baggage on her too soon.
Maybe I’ll tell her, maybe I won’t. But I know I have to say something more than just “family stuff” if I want her to stick around at all.
This week should be hectic at the radio station. There’s a new afternoon DJ (a.k.a. someone new to harass me) starting, and a contest going on where they’re giving away ten coupons every hour between 8 and 5 all week long for a free meal for two at the new sub shop in town. I’m hoping to steal a couple of the coupons for myself, especially after Heather and I ate there on Saturday and I found out that it’s delicious. Since I don’t get paid, I think it’s the least they can do. Since I’m the one actually ID’ing the winners and handing coupons out when people come to pick them up, it should be easy enough to snag a couple.
So, I’m sure I’ll be glad when this week is over, as usual. I’m hoping to make up for this weekend’s abandonment of Heather by taking her to the Architecture in Helsinki show on Sunday night. We’re both pretty obsessed with them at the moment, and Heather seemed excited when I brought it up. Maybe I’ll have figured out how to tell her about my “family stuff” by then.
A weekend about nothing.
I finally had a weekend to myself, no work, no school projects, no birthday barcrawls, nothing. It was fantastic. Chad and I hung out for a lot of it. We grabbed a sandwich at a new deli that just opened (best egg salad sandwich I've ever had!) and enjoyed the unseasonably warm weather. While I am a fan of the cooler seasons, this last week of early summer-like warmth has been appreciated. Of course, there's supposed to be a cold front coming through the area tomorrow, and this is supposed to stick. With this front comes rain. I think the next 5 days have a 70% chance, every day. Just thinking about it is almost enough for me to want to start a grunge band.
Anyways, the best part about this weekend was being able to lounge around and do nothing. At first I felt anxious, like I was supposed to be doing something the whole time, but that quickly passed. Chad came over after he got off of work and watched a Survivorman marathon on Discovery Channel. He loves that show. We stopped at Sub Shop (very original name) for a mid-afternoon snack, since we had been wanting to go there since it had opened a few weeks ago, and I'll probably be going all the time. Maybe I can work out a deal with one of the guys working there, I'll give him/her coffee if he/she gives me sandwiches. Sounds fair to me. Chad thinks he gets a raw deal since he can't just trade bank accounts for food, but I always remind him he makes $5 more per hour than I do. I think it balances out.
Chad didn't stay much longer after eating, he said he had some "family stuff" to deal with, but wouldn't go into specifics. I hope everything's ok. I didn't want to prod him too much about it, but maybe I'll ask him about it tomorrow. I had my own family stuff today, my parents came into town and took me to dinner! Somehow they had heard it was "Family Weekend" at Sheffield, so they thought they had to show up. I was fine with it, I never turn down a free meal, especially at a place like Molto. Plus, it's always nice to see them without feeling like I should be working on something or studying or when I'm extremely hungover. I think they appreciate it, too.
Well, my weekend of relaxation is coming to a close. Tomorrow will probably bring homework, and a new week of lessons, and reality. But the escape from it was much-needed, if only for two days.
Anyways, the best part about this weekend was being able to lounge around and do nothing. At first I felt anxious, like I was supposed to be doing something the whole time, but that quickly passed. Chad came over after he got off of work and watched a Survivorman marathon on Discovery Channel. He loves that show. We stopped at Sub Shop (very original name) for a mid-afternoon snack, since we had been wanting to go there since it had opened a few weeks ago, and I'll probably be going all the time. Maybe I can work out a deal with one of the guys working there, I'll give him/her coffee if he/she gives me sandwiches. Sounds fair to me. Chad thinks he gets a raw deal since he can't just trade bank accounts for food, but I always remind him he makes $5 more per hour than I do. I think it balances out.
Chad didn't stay much longer after eating, he said he had some "family stuff" to deal with, but wouldn't go into specifics. I hope everything's ok. I didn't want to prod him too much about it, but maybe I'll ask him about it tomorrow. I had my own family stuff today, my parents came into town and took me to dinner! Somehow they had heard it was "Family Weekend" at Sheffield, so they thought they had to show up. I was fine with it, I never turn down a free meal, especially at a place like Molto. Plus, it's always nice to see them without feeling like I should be working on something or studying or when I'm extremely hungover. I think they appreciate it, too.
Well, my weekend of relaxation is coming to a close. Tomorrow will probably bring homework, and a new week of lessons, and reality. But the escape from it was much-needed, if only for two days.
October 16, 2007
The incredible mind suck
Heather and I are dating. This is exciting, of course, but what it exactly means, I'm not sure. I mean, we get to have sleepovers, and I buy her flowers every once in awhile, and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her but am terrified to tell her, but when we run into people at the movies or at a bar or whatever, and I introduce her, I just say, "This is Heather." I don't know if I'm supposed to say "This is my girlfriend." So I just don't. Things are going great, and I don't want to fuck anything up.
The end of the summer was crazy. There was a lot of alcohol consumed, and a lot of drunken debauchery, and a few injuries obtained while wakeboarding and windsurfing. Luckily, Heather was around to kind of keep me in check. If not for her, I probably would be dead. I'm still kicking it at the lakehouse, but Devon and Derek both ended up moving out and into an apartment in Sheffield, so Devon's brother and one of his friends moved in. They're both super smart -- engineering majors of some sort -- and don't do a whole lot of partying, which is actually kind of a nice change of pace from the summer. The house is also a whole lot cleaner now that there aren't a hundred people tromping through the place all hours of the day.
I got an internship at a radio station, to fit in with my "communication studies" major. I don't have a clue what I want to do with my career, but I'm pretty sure I don't want one in radio. I thought I would get a little bit more of a behind-the-scenes look at the radio industry, but what's actually happened is that I get to do the radio industry's bitchwork, like opening mail and occasionally getting to go on Brews Brothers runs for the morning on-air "personality," Suzie Summers, who is really just a bitch. The best part of the mind-numbing, life-sucking internship is that in addition to not learning anything, I am also not getting paid. This means that I'm still working weekends at the credit union, and any extra hours I can squeeze in during the week when I'm not doing school or internship stuff.
My mom was also diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of July, and she's going through chemotherapy and doing the radiation thing. She's lost her hair but she certainly hasn't lost her spirit, or her ability to nag me to get married and give her grandchildren. It's been tough, but it turns out my mom's a pretty amazing person. But on the weekends -- at least those that I'm not working my ass off -- I've been spending as much time as I can with my family. It's actually pretty relaxing, and I've never been one to complain about homecooked meals.
So, that's my current life in a nutshell: I kind of have a girlfriend (maybe), I have an internship that isn't paying me anything either money-wise or experience-wise, I'm still dispensing cash to people who are actually making money, and I have no time to spend with the aforementioned would be/could be/maybe girlfriend. But things are pretty good. I can't complain.
The end of the summer was crazy. There was a lot of alcohol consumed, and a lot of drunken debauchery, and a few injuries obtained while wakeboarding and windsurfing. Luckily, Heather was around to kind of keep me in check. If not for her, I probably would be dead. I'm still kicking it at the lakehouse, but Devon and Derek both ended up moving out and into an apartment in Sheffield, so Devon's brother and one of his friends moved in. They're both super smart -- engineering majors of some sort -- and don't do a whole lot of partying, which is actually kind of a nice change of pace from the summer. The house is also a whole lot cleaner now that there aren't a hundred people tromping through the place all hours of the day.
I got an internship at a radio station, to fit in with my "communication studies" major. I don't have a clue what I want to do with my career, but I'm pretty sure I don't want one in radio. I thought I would get a little bit more of a behind-the-scenes look at the radio industry, but what's actually happened is that I get to do the radio industry's bitchwork, like opening mail and occasionally getting to go on Brews Brothers runs for the morning on-air "personality," Suzie Summers, who is really just a bitch. The best part of the mind-numbing, life-sucking internship is that in addition to not learning anything, I am also not getting paid. This means that I'm still working weekends at the credit union, and any extra hours I can squeeze in during the week when I'm not doing school or internship stuff.
My mom was also diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of July, and she's going through chemotherapy and doing the radiation thing. She's lost her hair but she certainly hasn't lost her spirit, or her ability to nag me to get married and give her grandchildren. It's been tough, but it turns out my mom's a pretty amazing person. But on the weekends -- at least those that I'm not working my ass off -- I've been spending as much time as I can with my family. It's actually pretty relaxing, and I've never been one to complain about homecooked meals.
So, that's my current life in a nutshell: I kind of have a girlfriend (maybe), I have an internship that isn't paying me anything either money-wise or experience-wise, I'm still dispensing cash to people who are actually making money, and I have no time to spend with the aforementioned would be/could be/maybe girlfriend. But things are pretty good. I can't complain.
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