People watching

Last night Brett and I went to Brew (the bar) because we were feeling all sociable and, well, because it was raining and the rain dampened (ha, ha) any notion I had of spending time outside. So we went to the bar instead.

I love to people watch. I think it is a great pastime and it’s interesting to watch how people interact with one another. Brett and I positioned ourselves at the end of the bar where we could see the TV (baseball!) and the door (people coming in!) and still manage to carry on a conversation and not look totally anti-social. Nobody wants to be “those guys.”

There are a few categories of people that we watch for while out at the bar.
1. People we know.
1a. People we know and want to see.
1b. People we know and don’t want to see (which is usually when we turn around on our barstools, look straight ahead, or pretend to be engaged in a really important conversation).

2. Bar sluts. We rank them. There are:
2a. Bar Sluts in Training (B-Sits) who you can tell are going to be full-on bar sluts someday and are just learning from their older, wiser, super bar slut friends; they are heavily made up and wearing skimpy clothing but are far less aggressive than your typical bar slut. Summer is usually the time when the B-Sits come into their own; they’ve had a full year of apprenticeship under their sorority sisters and are stepping up to the plate now that their older friends have graduated and left town. Come fall, when all the students are back in town, they will be seasoned pros.
2b. Super Bar Sluts. Once B-Sits, they have now graduated to SBS status. Their skirts are shorter, their shirts are more low-cut, and they are on the prowl. B-Sits study their every move. If you are of the male species and do not have a girl already hanging on you, chances are an SBS will be all over you like a rat in a cheetoh in no time flat.
3b. Almost Passed Out Bar Sluts. Bar Sluts in APO status are possibly celebrating something (birthdays, graduations, negative STD checks) and have definitely been doing shots. Bar Sluts are obviously not the only people who can fall into APO status, but they are the most entertaining to watch, because they know they’re going to puke and/or pass out soon and are trying to act sober enough to pick up a guy to take them home because their less intoxicated SBS friends already left with guys, or went to another bar to find fresh meat.

3. He-Man Woman Haters. These are the guys that walk in oozing testosterone, trying to be intimidating (often successfully) and who are just looking to get into fights.

4. Old People. I find it interesting when people my parents’ age show up at the “cool” bars rather than the American Legion down the street. There are times when it’s okay for parents to be at the bar – graduation, for instance, or actually any time an older person is accompanied by a college-aged student. The rest of the time it’s just weird.


As we were sitting at the bar, watching baseball and ranking bar sluts, Heather walked in, followed by Dana, followed by some guy I didn’t know. She didn’t see me right away, so I turned rather quickly back to the bar.

“Dude,” Brett said. “There’s your friend…what’s her name? Dana’s friend? They’re coming over here.”

I pretended to needed to order something, even though I had about half a beer left. “Hey, stranger,” Heather said. I turned around.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey, Brett,” Dana said.

“Hey, Dana,” Brett said.

This exchange of hellos was followed by an awkward silence and then, “Hi! I’m Jake.”

“Hey, I’m Brett,” Brett said, reaching over to shake hands with Jake.

“I’m Chad,” I said, also shaking hands, and accidentally brushing Heather’s arm with my hand. Whoa.

“So I’ve heard,” he said. What the hell?

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Jake announced.

“Where’s Ambrosia?” Dana asked.

“So, what happened to you Sunday morning?” I asked Heather.

“Dana woke up and we got a ride back into town with some guy,” she replied.

“You could have woken me up.”

“I didn’t want to do that,” she said. “You were sleeping and all cute and stuff, so I didn’t want to wake you.”

“You should have woken me! I could have made you pancakes or something.”

“I needed a ride back into town.”

“I could have given you a ride back into town,” I insisted.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have left like that.”

“You’re right. The next time you spend the night you should at least say goodbye in the morning.”

She laughed. “I had a really great time the other night.”

“I did, too,” I told her. It was true.

Dana was kind of pulling on her arm and Heather said, "I'm really sorry, but we have to get going. We basically came in so that Jake could pee."

"Nice," I said. "I see how you are...pee and run."

She and Dana both laughed. "I'm working tomorrow from two until ten."

"Maybe I'll see you," I said.

"Maybe you will," she said, and walked away.