Happy anniversary?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I made it to New York without incident, made it to Heather’s without incident, and was waiting for her when she got home at 5 p.m. She seemed really excited to see me, and she was definitely surprised – she had mentioned that her roommate had been acting really nosy, and of course I couldn’t tell her that I was the reason why. There will be a lot less tension in that apartment now.

She seemed extra surprised that I had brought her flowers, and then when I started pulling gifts out of my backpack for her to open she was really confused and kept asking what they were for. I thought she was joking, but I finally realized that she had forgotten our anniversary.

I hadn’t been able to talk to her on the actual day – she had called while I was at work in the afternoon, and when I called her back later that night and couldn’t get ahold of her I didn’t want to leave her a “happy anniversary” voicemail. I wanted to tell her myself, and when she didn’t call back that night I decided I would wait until the next day to do it in person.

She felt really bad, and apologized about a million times, and I know she’s been busy lately, but I really couldn’t help but feel slighted. I know things are changing, and that we’re going to have to adapt, but the fact that I went through all this effort to celebrate our anniversary when she couldn’t even be bothered to remember it bothered me a lot more than I cared to admit to her. Is that selfish of me?

The rest of the weekend went well. While she was in class and giving voice lessons on Friday I wandered around the city, and walked past the radio station I’m interviewing with next week. I haven’t told Heather about the interview yet, and I don’t think I’m going to until after I’ve heard something back from them. It doesn’t seem worth bothering her over something like that just yet.

We went to see Avenue Q Saturday night. It was really hilarious, and we kept singing the songs to each other the rest of the weekend. We went out for drinks with some of her friends Saturday night, including Vaughn, the guy she’s been spending so much time with. He seems pretty cool, I just hope he doesn’t think I’m a douchebag.

I had to be at the airport late yesterday morning for my 1 p.m. flight, so we grabbed breakfast before I left. We had some time to talk over the weekend and got some things worked out, but I don’t really know if it’s actually going to be better or if it just seemed like it because we were actually together at the time. We promised to make an effort to talk to each other every day, so I guess that’s something. I’m not trying to pretend like I know what’s going on with her right now, but I think I made it very clear that I want to make things work between us. I can only hope she feels the same way.

The flight back was uneventful, save for the million thoughts spinning around in my head. Maybe I’m overreacting about her forgetting our anniversary, but it’s still really bothering me. I’ll get over it, I’m sure, and I think if things start improving between us that will help speed up the process. Plus, I have a lot going on this week, including the phone interview with the New York station at 9 a.m. on Wednesday, so that will help keep my mind off things. I hope.

Things could always be worse

Man, this week is kicking my ass. Between having to be at work at 5:30 a.m., actually attending classes, working afternoons at the credit union and then trying to study at night, I am beat.

Of course I let Brett talk me into going to the bars last night – some girl he knows was turning 21 and I got roped into celebrating with the bar sluts. I didn’t drink that much because I had to drive home, but I didn’t get home until 2 a.m., something this old body isn’t that used to anymore. Usually at 2 a.m. I’ve been sleeping for three hours. I am definitely paying for it today.

Being so busy means I have had almost zero time to talk to Heather. Our schedules do not seem to be coinciding this week and it seems like we’re living out in real life what Jim and Pam were dealing with on last week’s episode of The Office. She called last night about 9:30, when I was at the bar, and I went outside and talked to her for a few minutes but then she had to go do something, and by the time I got home it was too late to call her back.

Things will get better, I know, it’s just difficult right now.

On a lighter note, I saw some drunk ass girls last night. I saw two girls puke in the bar. I’m glad I’m not them today.

Heather in the City

Well things have finally slowed down a little here, I think I'm finally finding my "groove." Not that I'm learning my way around the city at all, that's going to take years, if I make it that long. But I'm able to get to and from class without a problem, and can usually find my way to a deli or coffee shop without a problem. Yes, I still go to coffee shops, even if I spent nearly every day of the last few years in one. You know, it's almost comforting. And a welcome escape from studying, and the dorm life.

Speaking of dorm life, my roommate Alison has really been getting on my nerves lately. She was fine at first, but in the past week, she's been really nosy, asking what my plans are all the time, and where I'm going when I'm heading out. I don't know if she's looking for an invitation or what, but it's frustrating, I feel like I have to sneak around at times. I'm not opposed to hanging out with her, but I just need some Heather time. We sleep in the same room, we don't have to eat together or study together all the time. I'm really looking forward to this weekend, though, I've made some plans with some of my new girlfriends, and I've been able to keep it a secret from Alison! We aren't going to go wild and crazy, just exploring the town, some shopping, and maybe going to a show. Oh, and a trip to Nathan's Famous. I went to one on a trip to St. Louis, but come on, I'm in New York, I think I have to have the original!

Well, it's time for bed. If I'm going to have fun this weekend, I'm going to have to bust my hump during the week, so I can have some free time. On top of everything, I may start giving some vocal lessons this week, if I can find the patience to deal with kids. The ones that are good I won't have a problem with, it's the ones that don't have the natural talent that I'm afraid will drive me up the wall. But hey, money is money, I'm not going to ruin anyone's dream.

In motion

Plane ticket? Check. I arrive at LaGuardia at 2:33 p.m. EDT on Thursday, October 23rd. I will then hop in the Super Shuttle, which will take me to Heather’s. Perhaps it’s not the least expensive option, but it’s definitely cheaper than a cab, and easier than trying to navigate the subway or bus lines.

Awesome anniversary gift? Check. I made Heather a DVD of pictures from the past year of our relationship, set to “our song,” “The Reasons” by the Weakerthans. But that’s not all – I got her a Sheffield U. hoodie, because she was complaining a couple weeks ago that it’s perfect hoodie weather but her favorite Sheffield one is falling apart, and a book of crossword puzzles for her to fill out while she does her laundry. I also got tickets for us to see Avenue Q on Saturday – she loves musicals and I decided I could tolerate this one because it’s funny and vulgar, and I like funny and vulgar.

Flowers? Check…almost. There’s a flower shop just a couple blocks from Heather’s, and since I packed light (I’m only going to be gone for the weekend, her gifts are small and there’s also a baggage fee on nearly every airline, so I'm carrying on) I don’t mind hoofing it over there to pick her up a dozen red roses.

I think I’m pretty damn romantic, really. Heather and I have been so out of sync lately that I think we really need a weekend to reconnect, and I am really excited to surprise her for our anniversary, even if it is a day late.

And I have another surprise for her – there’s a radio station in New York that’s interested in interviewing me! I’m doing a telephone interview next Wednesday morning for a production position. I’m pumped about it. I never really dreamed of a career in radio, but the more time I’ve spent in the field the more I’ve become interested in it, and I actually feel qualified to be an actual producer, which is weird since I’ve never in my entire life really felt qualified to do anything. I didn’t think I would ever be the one to look forward to entering the “real world” and yet, here I am. It’s funny how things work out.

It's just been that kind of week

Well, this has been a kind of uneventful, and incredibly frustrating, week for me. I’m on thin ice with the credit union – my drawer was $85 short on Monday. It’s the first time I’ve ever been off in the time I’ve worked there, which I think is pretty impressive, especially since it seems like a couple of the other tellers are off a couple times per week. Then I had one of the production assistants on the morning show I’m producing walk out on me on Tuesday – a really classy move on his part. So I’ve spent the rest of the week scrambling to get things done. It helps the mornings go by fast, but it’s stressful.

I also had midterms this week, so when I wasn’t working or taking tests, I was holed up in my regular spot at Brews Brothers studying. Devon and Derek both have girlfriends now who spend the majority of their time at our house, and while they’re both very sweet (and, I’m not going to lie, pretty attractive) it’s impossible to concentrate on anything with four people clamoring around the house. It’s not dead silent at Brews Brothers by any means, but I can focus there.

This left very little time to talk to Heather this week, but what little I did talk to her, she seemed tense and things were incredibly strained between us. She’s getting out and meeting people, and that’s good. She’s been spending a lot of time with this guy Vaughn. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with her having guy friends – it’s not like I don’t have plenty of friends who are girls. I just hate that other people get to spend time with her and I don’t.

I’ve hatched a plan, though – a surprise visit next weekend. I conned her roommate into making sure Heather doesn’t make any plans so she’ll be around when I get in on Thursday night. Hopefully this little random act of romance will give our relationship the kick in the ass it needs.

An East Coast Girl

I got into Juilliard! With a scholarship and everything! Things have been soooo busy all summer long, into the fall, I feel like things haven't sunk in, hasn't hit me, even a month into my first semester. I mean, I've been in New York for a couple months, but it doesn't feel like home yet, I still feel like I'm going to be going back to Sheffield in a few days. I'm not. Well, eventually I will be, you know, to visit friends, family, Chad. He's been great through all of this, even helping me move and visiting once, but both of us are a little overwhelmed with things right now - he's taking a ton of classes to finish up his degree and helping his mom out when he can, and I'm always studying, practicing, or trying to get my bearings.

I've made a few friends out here, there are definitely some cool people, but then there are also the stereotypical "music people." Everyone's been in the same boat lately, so we've been all hanging out together, but I can definitely notice some cliques forming. I'm not quite sure I fit into one yet, but there are a few people that I've hung out with one more than one occasion. And one of them is a guy, which is driving Chad up the wall with jealousy, but what am I supposed to do? I had guy friends back home, I've had guy friends all my life. I know we're a thousand miles apart right now, so it's a big adjustment all around, but still, I'm not going to sit in my dorm by myself all the time. I think he realizes that there's no threat to him, he just is jealous that other people are able to hang out with me when he isn't. And I understand. It's been a trying time, but we both think it's worth it.

I just have to figure out when I can make a trip home. I'll be back for Thanksgiving, but I think a lot of that time will be spent with family, which is frustrating. Same with Christmas. And my weekends are completely booked well into next semester. It's been a point of contention, but there's nothing I can do about it. Plus, my scholarship covers room and board, but not much else. I didn't save as much as I should have, so I'm trying to cut costs where I can, until I find a job with extremely flexible hours to have some sort of income. I know I'm in the city that never sleeps, but this girl definitely get cranky without it.

A few things

1. Heather got into Juilliard.
2. Heather moved to New York in August.
3. For those of you keeping track, I was supposed to graduate in May 2009.
4. I am still living in Sheffield.

Yes, Heather got into Juilliard. What, did you think she wouldn’t? The day she got the letter she did the totally girly, “Oh I can’t possibly open it Chad, won’t you do it for me?” routine and I was happy to oblige. Then one of us danced around and screamed like a little girl. I won’t name names, but it wasn’t not me.

So, yeah, Heather moved to New York. There was a lot of dancing around the issue of what would happen to “us,” mostly because I am a guy and, like most guys, do my best to avoid emotional confrontations, so I did my best not to bring it up. We were finally forced to talk about it and decided it was definitely worth staying together. We agreed that one of us will fly to see the other once a month, twice a month if possible, alternating if possible. Of course, the economy is in a tailspin right now and do you know how expensive it is to fly? Thankfully my dad had a bunch of frequent flier miles he wasn’t going to use that he was able to transfer to me, so those will help offset some of our travel expenses. So far I have been to New York twice (once to help Heather move, and once for our first monthly visit a couple weekends ago) and Heather has been to Sheffield zero times. I am not keeping score.

School is back in full swing and I have been doing something really strange this semester – actually trying. I decided toward the end of the summer that I would take extra credits for the fall semester and graduate in December. This caused my mother endless amounts of joy, and for someone who’s spent the past several months undergoing chemo and radiation and basically feeling like she’s been hit by a freight train, endless amounts of joy have been in short supply. Therefore, it’s hard to be annoyed when she still tells me every time I talk to her how excited she is that I’m graduating early. Her cancer is in remission and her hair is starting to grow back a little bit, and I’m really proud of her.

Graduating early means I only have a couple months left of the college life before I have to enter the “real world” unless I go to grad school, which in no way excites me. I’ve actually been looking for jobs – I know, odd for a procrastinator like me to think ahead. And, yes, I'm looking for jobs in New York.

So, that’s life for me (in a nutshell). What’s new with you?

New York, New York

Well, Heather and I survived our first “vacation” together. It was a bit dicey at times before her audition, when she was a giant ball of nerves. I tried to be the caring and understanding and compassionate guy that I am, and tried to be receptive to her needs and her feelings, but to be frank she started acting like a big baby pretty much the second we got off the plane at La Guardia. It happened that it was raining and a little bit chilly – not cold but cool - during our time there and she refused to be outside. At all. I know she was preserving her voice, but couldn't she have bundled up? Anyway, the time we should have spent sightseeing we spent holed up in the hotel room. We watched The Today Show on TV one morning when we should have been AT The Today Show. And, I’m a guy. Spending hours upon hours in a hotel room with your hot girlfriend is a pretty awesome scenario, but it got old, even for me.

I think I was more relieved when her audition was over than she was.

She nailed her audition, of course; I know this because she “doesn’t feel she did very well,” which is Heather-speak for “I nailed it,” but she won’t find out for awhile if she got in. She didn’t want me to be there for the audition, so I finally got to hit the streets and actually see some of New York. I took the subway downtown and went to the Empire State Building, which I know Heather would never have gone for anyway since she’s scared of heights, and went to Times Square and Rockefeller Center. I didn’t know how much time I would have before she was done (she had to be at Lincoln Center at 10 a.m. and there was a possibility that she could have been there until 10 p.m.) so I just walked around, exploring, until she called me about 3:30 and said she was done. Before I got back on the subway I happened to pass a florist so I stopped and bought her a dozen red roses, and when I met her back at our hotel it was tres romantic.

I had promised her a fancy romantic dinner while we were there, so I had made reservations at Tavern on the Green for the night of her audition in the hopes that she would be out in time. Luckily, we had plenty of time to make it to dinner at 7 p.m. I know it’s kind of a New York cliché, but the meal was really amazing and the restaurant is gorgeous. I think Heather enjoyed it, and I know she loves to get all dolled up. It was really nice to just unwind after the tension of our first couple days in the city. The next day we really got to do some sightseeing…as in, we saw what there was to see in the cab ride from our hotel back to La Guardia.

It was a good trip, though, and I know Heather is glad to be through with the audition. Now, we just wait to see if she gets in to Juilliard. And I wonder, if she does get in, what happens to us…

This is it

In the past few weeks, there's only been one thing on my mind: my audition at Juilliard. It's finally here! Well, almost. Next week. But Chad and I are leaving tomorrow for New York City. The only time that worked out for both of us to go and have some time for site-seeing is this weekend. It's too bad that I won't be able to enjoy any of it. If the weather's cold, I don't even think I'll want to go outside, I'm too paranoid of getting a cold or sore throat or something right before the audition. The audition is Monday, and we're not leaving until Wednesday morning, so I guess I'll have a day to unwind and take everything in. As long as I don't totally screw everything up in the audition. Then I may as well just drink my sorrows away.

I'm performing the "Queen of the Night" aria, from Mozart's The Magic Flute, as my chosen piece. I know that it's one everyone knows and does, but I think I can impress them with it. I can get those high notes pretty well, so I'm hoping they'll see it. Who am I kidding, of course they'll notice, it's not like I'm singing for Chad. Not that he doesn't appreciate the music, he just doesn't quite get the difficulty of some things. I do adore him for trying, though, and putting forth the effort.

The second selection is one chosen by the jury, "Vissi d'arte," from Puccini's La Tosca. I've done this one once before, years ago, so I feel alright with it. But when I think a little bit about it, I get nervous that I haven't focused on it enough in the past couple of weeks, and then I get into this whole spiral of worrying again. So I'm going avoid doing that from now until after the audition. There'll be plenty of time for worrying after that.

Well, time to start packing. While I'm not usually a "girly girl," I'm getting very excited to get all dressed up, both for the audition, and for the nice dinner that Chad's promised me. I told him we could just get a pizza and check out some places, but he is insisting on taking me out to a fancy-pants place. We'll see how things go!

The semester so far

Things are busy here in Sheffield, and by busy I mean ass cold. Seriously, you'd think we live in freaking Minnesota or something. I’ve been staying warm by never leaving the house except when I absolutely have to and by making lots of trips to Brews Brothers for hot cocoa and hot apple cider. Plus, Brews Brothers is about the only time I get to see Heather. I’m trying not to get too worked up about it, since she is following a dream and come March all this stress will be over, it just sucks not getting to spend any real time with her.

The radio station where I interned last semester called me and offered me a job a couple weeks ago. Can you believe that shit? They must be desperate. Regardless of the reason, I accepted it and am now assistant producer for the morning show. Luckily, this all happened early enough in the semester that I was able to rearrange my class schedule a little bit to work around it. The hours kind of suck – I have to be there at 5:30 a.m. – but it pays pretty decently (this would obviously increase exponentially if I were working full-time) and it will look great on my resume. It’s basically like another internship, only this time they’re paying me.

This weekend is Crazy Dayz in downtown Sheffield. Maybe they should have hired me at the Chamber of Commerce so I could veto “Crazy Dayz.” All the businesses are having huge sales, and they’re having a chili cook-off that Wyatt and Wendell are participating in. Yesterday I was in Brews Brothers around lunchtime and they offered me a bowl to taste-test. I never pass up free food, and it was pretty delicious. The credit union is doing giveaways and since the ladies on the teller line are going to be participating in the chili cook-off that leaves yours truly to hold down the crazy credit union. After being at work at 5:30 a.m. every single weekday I am not looking forward to being at the credit union at 8 on a Saturday, but I’ve been told there will be balloon animals so it might be fun.

Finally, a few minutes

Right now I'm in between my practice studio time and my shift at Brews Bros, and should probably still be at the studio. I can only take so much singing at one time, though, especially if I'm going to be working all night long. Now that school has started back up, the place is busy again, all those kids who didn't do as well as they had hoped for in their first semester classes are already hitting the books. And already cranky. Luckily, I don't spend much time thinking about that, because my mind is usually elsewhere.

I've been rushing around, getting things all in a row, so I can be prepared for my audition for Juilliard!!! I'm so excited about the idea of going to grad school there, I can't even really fathom how huge of a deal this could be! I'm not getting my hopes up too much for going there, it would be amazing, but I know that it's a stretch for anyone to get in. Just being considered has been an honor, one that's boosted my confidence infinitely. Of course I have a few other schools that I'm looking into, you know, the whole "safety net" type thing, but you gotta shoot for the stars, right? Now if I could only have a minute to relax. Chad and I are going out to NYC in March, but I have SO MUCH stuff to do before then. I hope he understands that I'm not purposely trying to neglect him, but I have a lot of other things on my mind right now. He seems to be a trooper so far, I just hope that he's not brooding inside.

The last time that I was able to really relax was Christmas. I spent a couple of weeks at home with my family, not doing anything. That was amazing. Something else that was amazing was the necklace that Chad got for me! I love it! He better not have spent much on it, though, because I just got him a couple of the books he wanted and a decent sweater. I'm not sure if it lives up to the necklace I got.

Happy new year

Heather and I weathered the Christmas storm and I went against all my better instincts and the advice of friends and bought her jewelry. I really think Brett made a bigger deal of it than it was. Buying your girlfriend of a few months jewelry for Christmas is not exactly the same as running off to Vegas and eloping, nor is it like being engaged. I didn’t even put a ring of any kind on her finger, since I didn’t want her to get too many ideas. Instead, I got her a necklace – the pendant is an open gold circle with diamonds all around it on a gold chain. I’m sure she likes it because she gushed about it to everybody after we exchanged gifts and I have actually seen her wear it, and not just on days when she knows she’s going to see me. I think I did well.

She spent Christmas with her family and I spent Christmas with mine, although my family bugged me the entire time I was home to meet her, and evidently her family was doing the same to her. I guess meeting the parents is inevitable, and I’m sure hers are great and I know mine are too, it can just add unnecessary stress.

School started Monday – T minus five months to go before I graduate. As much as I disliked my internship last semester, it’s going to be really weird having all that free time. Heather is starting to think about what happens for her after graduation and apparently that is going to be grad school. Not just any grad school...Juilliard. It's not a done deal, but she sent in her application with a demo CD at the end of November and is going to be going to New York for a live audition. She asked me to go with her, so we’re going to take a few days off school and work and head out to NYC at the beginning of March. I’m sure it will be nerve-racking for her, but she is so excited about it. She’s worked really hard and she definitely deserves something like this. It’s evidently an honor even to get a live audition, so she’s already cleared one big hurdle. It’s an incredible opportunity for her, and it really makes me wonder what the hell I’m going to do with my life. And, what's going to happen to us in the future.

I would imagine, though, that the next few weeks are going to be pretty busy for her. She really thrives on that, whereas when I get that busy I just get frustrated and want to hide out in my living room with a bottle of Jack Daniels and my PS2.