Last night Heather came over for beers, pizza and Monday Night Football. She hates football, but she’s a fan of beer and pizza and decided that two out of three ain’t bad. She worked until 9, which gave me a little time to study! and take care of some stuff outside. The weather was gorgeous yesterday, so I took the opportunity to rake some leaves and sweep off the patio downstairs. This weekend my roommates are helping me take out the dock, something that should have been done a month ago. I think we’re the only house left on the lake with the dock still in, so we’re going to wet suit up and take care of it on Saturday morning.
Heather showed up about 9:30 and we ate and drank and watched football…during commercial breaks on CSI. She’s crafty, that one. I finally gave up the football dream and we watched the news and Letterman. Then during a commercial Heather turned to me and said there was something she needed to talk to me about.
I panicked. I don’t know what I was panicking about, but I definitely was. My mind was racing, thinking of anything I could possibly have done that would have pissed her off, and I couldn’t think of anything. I’ve been very careful to not do anything stupid lately so as not to ruin the good thing we have going on. I haven’t been to any strip clubs, haven’t gotten so hammered that I ended up walking into my next door neighbor’s house and passing out on their couch (that really happened), haven’t gotten kicked out of any bars for getting in some guy’s face about playing Nickelback on the jukebox…
“It’s none of my business, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I was just wondering if you needed someone to talk to about your family stuff.”
I felt like such a jackass at that point. And instead of being all strong and taking the “I am a rock” approach, as I had planned to do, I broke down. Complete, utter, sobbing, big baby breakdown. I told Heather that my mom had breast cancer, that she was going through chemotherapy and radiation and that she was doing well but it sucks. I told her that it’s really scary because even though my mom annoys the hell out of me on a fairly regular basis she’s also pretty damn important to me, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. I told Heather that I was sorry I didn’t tell her sooner, but I didn’t know how to bring it up and I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me and I knew she was busy and had her own things going on and I didn’t want to dump on her emotionally. I told her I really liked her and didn’t want to screw anything up by asking too much of her too soon, especially since she isn’t my girlfriend.
She was patient, and just listened to me. She didn’t seem weirded out by the fact that I was crying. In fact, when I told her my mom had cancer, even she teared up a little bit. She went on and on saying all of the supportive things that I totally needed to hear and then she said, “Do you want me to be your girlfriend?”
I paused. Was this some kind of trick question where she would say, "Haha, you big crying loser? See ya!" But I decided to risk it. “Yes,” I said. “I have wanted you to be my girlfriend for a really long time.” Then I added, “I’ve wanted you to be my girlfriend for a long time but I didn’t know if you felt the same way.”
Heather just looked at me. Then she kissed me. Then she said, “Chad, I would love to be your girlfriend.”
So, Heather and I had one of those adult conversations where we talked about our feelings and were all sappy and got all sorts of things figured out. I feel better knowing that I can open up to her.
And now we’re official. So official, in fact, that before we went to bed we both logged into our respective Facebook accounts and changed our relationship status to “In a Relationship with…” It feels great to finally be able to say that. Officially.
October 23, 2007
October 22, 2007
Family stuff
Finally, a weekend off…sort of. I had taken Sunday off from the credit union and only worked from 8 to 11 Saturday morning thinking I could take the rest of the weekend to relax a little, maybe spend some time on the lakeside enjoying what was possibly the last nice warm day until June, and hang out with Heather. That got interrupted when I found out my mom was having a pretty bad day Saturday, and I ended up leaving after lunch to spend the night at home with my family.
I felt really bad bailing on Heather, especially since I gave no real explanation as to what I was doing. “Family stuff” is what I told her, which is the most generic explanation. I hope she didn’t take it to mean “I’m seeing other people.” I want to tell her what’s really going on, but it’s a hard thing to bring up. Everyone I’ve told so far has done the pity thing – “Oh, I’m so sorry” – which I find to be unnecessary; it is what it is. I mean, it’s cancer, and it sucks, but unless you gave my mom cancer, there’s no need to apologize. I know people are just being polite, but I would almost rather they say nothing at all.
I know Heather will be understanding and compassionate and will say all the right things just because that’s who she is, but I’m not sure I want to drag her into it. She isn’t even officially my girlfriend, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m dumping too much emotional baggage on her too soon.
Maybe I’ll tell her, maybe I won’t. But I know I have to say something more than just “family stuff” if I want her to stick around at all.
This week should be hectic at the radio station. There’s a new afternoon DJ (a.k.a. someone new to harass me) starting, and a contest going on where they’re giving away ten coupons every hour between 8 and 5 all week long for a free meal for two at the new sub shop in town. I’m hoping to steal a couple of the coupons for myself, especially after Heather and I ate there on Saturday and I found out that it’s delicious. Since I don’t get paid, I think it’s the least they can do. Since I’m the one actually ID’ing the winners and handing coupons out when people come to pick them up, it should be easy enough to snag a couple.
So, I’m sure I’ll be glad when this week is over, as usual. I’m hoping to make up for this weekend’s abandonment of Heather by taking her to the Architecture in Helsinki show on Sunday night. We’re both pretty obsessed with them at the moment, and Heather seemed excited when I brought it up. Maybe I’ll have figured out how to tell her about my “family stuff” by then.
I felt really bad bailing on Heather, especially since I gave no real explanation as to what I was doing. “Family stuff” is what I told her, which is the most generic explanation. I hope she didn’t take it to mean “I’m seeing other people.” I want to tell her what’s really going on, but it’s a hard thing to bring up. Everyone I’ve told so far has done the pity thing – “Oh, I’m so sorry” – which I find to be unnecessary; it is what it is. I mean, it’s cancer, and it sucks, but unless you gave my mom cancer, there’s no need to apologize. I know people are just being polite, but I would almost rather they say nothing at all.
I know Heather will be understanding and compassionate and will say all the right things just because that’s who she is, but I’m not sure I want to drag her into it. She isn’t even officially my girlfriend, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m dumping too much emotional baggage on her too soon.
Maybe I’ll tell her, maybe I won’t. But I know I have to say something more than just “family stuff” if I want her to stick around at all.
This week should be hectic at the radio station. There’s a new afternoon DJ (a.k.a. someone new to harass me) starting, and a contest going on where they’re giving away ten coupons every hour between 8 and 5 all week long for a free meal for two at the new sub shop in town. I’m hoping to steal a couple of the coupons for myself, especially after Heather and I ate there on Saturday and I found out that it’s delicious. Since I don’t get paid, I think it’s the least they can do. Since I’m the one actually ID’ing the winners and handing coupons out when people come to pick them up, it should be easy enough to snag a couple.
So, I’m sure I’ll be glad when this week is over, as usual. I’m hoping to make up for this weekend’s abandonment of Heather by taking her to the Architecture in Helsinki show on Sunday night. We’re both pretty obsessed with them at the moment, and Heather seemed excited when I brought it up. Maybe I’ll have figured out how to tell her about my “family stuff” by then.
A weekend about nothing.
I finally had a weekend to myself, no work, no school projects, no birthday barcrawls, nothing. It was fantastic. Chad and I hung out for a lot of it. We grabbed a sandwich at a new deli that just opened (best egg salad sandwich I've ever had!) and enjoyed the unseasonably warm weather. While I am a fan of the cooler seasons, this last week of early summer-like warmth has been appreciated. Of course, there's supposed to be a cold front coming through the area tomorrow, and this is supposed to stick. With this front comes rain. I think the next 5 days have a 70% chance, every day. Just thinking about it is almost enough for me to want to start a grunge band.
Anyways, the best part about this weekend was being able to lounge around and do nothing. At first I felt anxious, like I was supposed to be doing something the whole time, but that quickly passed. Chad came over after he got off of work and watched a Survivorman marathon on Discovery Channel. He loves that show. We stopped at Sub Shop (very original name) for a mid-afternoon snack, since we had been wanting to go there since it had opened a few weeks ago, and I'll probably be going all the time. Maybe I can work out a deal with one of the guys working there, I'll give him/her coffee if he/she gives me sandwiches. Sounds fair to me. Chad thinks he gets a raw deal since he can't just trade bank accounts for food, but I always remind him he makes $5 more per hour than I do. I think it balances out.
Chad didn't stay much longer after eating, he said he had some "family stuff" to deal with, but wouldn't go into specifics. I hope everything's ok. I didn't want to prod him too much about it, but maybe I'll ask him about it tomorrow. I had my own family stuff today, my parents came into town and took me to dinner! Somehow they had heard it was "Family Weekend" at Sheffield, so they thought they had to show up. I was fine with it, I never turn down a free meal, especially at a place like Molto. Plus, it's always nice to see them without feeling like I should be working on something or studying or when I'm extremely hungover. I think they appreciate it, too.
Well, my weekend of relaxation is coming to a close. Tomorrow will probably bring homework, and a new week of lessons, and reality. But the escape from it was much-needed, if only for two days.
Anyways, the best part about this weekend was being able to lounge around and do nothing. At first I felt anxious, like I was supposed to be doing something the whole time, but that quickly passed. Chad came over after he got off of work and watched a Survivorman marathon on Discovery Channel. He loves that show. We stopped at Sub Shop (very original name) for a mid-afternoon snack, since we had been wanting to go there since it had opened a few weeks ago, and I'll probably be going all the time. Maybe I can work out a deal with one of the guys working there, I'll give him/her coffee if he/she gives me sandwiches. Sounds fair to me. Chad thinks he gets a raw deal since he can't just trade bank accounts for food, but I always remind him he makes $5 more per hour than I do. I think it balances out.
Chad didn't stay much longer after eating, he said he had some "family stuff" to deal with, but wouldn't go into specifics. I hope everything's ok. I didn't want to prod him too much about it, but maybe I'll ask him about it tomorrow. I had my own family stuff today, my parents came into town and took me to dinner! Somehow they had heard it was "Family Weekend" at Sheffield, so they thought they had to show up. I was fine with it, I never turn down a free meal, especially at a place like Molto. Plus, it's always nice to see them without feeling like I should be working on something or studying or when I'm extremely hungover. I think they appreciate it, too.
Well, my weekend of relaxation is coming to a close. Tomorrow will probably bring homework, and a new week of lessons, and reality. But the escape from it was much-needed, if only for two days.
October 16, 2007
The incredible mind suck
Heather and I are dating. This is exciting, of course, but what it exactly means, I'm not sure. I mean, we get to have sleepovers, and I buy her flowers every once in awhile, and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her but am terrified to tell her, but when we run into people at the movies or at a bar or whatever, and I introduce her, I just say, "This is Heather." I don't know if I'm supposed to say "This is my girlfriend." So I just don't. Things are going great, and I don't want to fuck anything up.
The end of the summer was crazy. There was a lot of alcohol consumed, and a lot of drunken debauchery, and a few injuries obtained while wakeboarding and windsurfing. Luckily, Heather was around to kind of keep me in check. If not for her, I probably would be dead. I'm still kicking it at the lakehouse, but Devon and Derek both ended up moving out and into an apartment in Sheffield, so Devon's brother and one of his friends moved in. They're both super smart -- engineering majors of some sort -- and don't do a whole lot of partying, which is actually kind of a nice change of pace from the summer. The house is also a whole lot cleaner now that there aren't a hundred people tromping through the place all hours of the day.
I got an internship at a radio station, to fit in with my "communication studies" major. I don't have a clue what I want to do with my career, but I'm pretty sure I don't want one in radio. I thought I would get a little bit more of a behind-the-scenes look at the radio industry, but what's actually happened is that I get to do the radio industry's bitchwork, like opening mail and occasionally getting to go on Brews Brothers runs for the morning on-air "personality," Suzie Summers, who is really just a bitch. The best part of the mind-numbing, life-sucking internship is that in addition to not learning anything, I am also not getting paid. This means that I'm still working weekends at the credit union, and any extra hours I can squeeze in during the week when I'm not doing school or internship stuff.
My mom was also diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of July, and she's going through chemotherapy and doing the radiation thing. She's lost her hair but she certainly hasn't lost her spirit, or her ability to nag me to get married and give her grandchildren. It's been tough, but it turns out my mom's a pretty amazing person. But on the weekends -- at least those that I'm not working my ass off -- I've been spending as much time as I can with my family. It's actually pretty relaxing, and I've never been one to complain about homecooked meals.
So, that's my current life in a nutshell: I kind of have a girlfriend (maybe), I have an internship that isn't paying me anything either money-wise or experience-wise, I'm still dispensing cash to people who are actually making money, and I have no time to spend with the aforementioned would be/could be/maybe girlfriend. But things are pretty good. I can't complain.
The end of the summer was crazy. There was a lot of alcohol consumed, and a lot of drunken debauchery, and a few injuries obtained while wakeboarding and windsurfing. Luckily, Heather was around to kind of keep me in check. If not for her, I probably would be dead. I'm still kicking it at the lakehouse, but Devon and Derek both ended up moving out and into an apartment in Sheffield, so Devon's brother and one of his friends moved in. They're both super smart -- engineering majors of some sort -- and don't do a whole lot of partying, which is actually kind of a nice change of pace from the summer. The house is also a whole lot cleaner now that there aren't a hundred people tromping through the place all hours of the day.
I got an internship at a radio station, to fit in with my "communication studies" major. I don't have a clue what I want to do with my career, but I'm pretty sure I don't want one in radio. I thought I would get a little bit more of a behind-the-scenes look at the radio industry, but what's actually happened is that I get to do the radio industry's bitchwork, like opening mail and occasionally getting to go on Brews Brothers runs for the morning on-air "personality," Suzie Summers, who is really just a bitch. The best part of the mind-numbing, life-sucking internship is that in addition to not learning anything, I am also not getting paid. This means that I'm still working weekends at the credit union, and any extra hours I can squeeze in during the week when I'm not doing school or internship stuff.
My mom was also diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of July, and she's going through chemotherapy and doing the radiation thing. She's lost her hair but she certainly hasn't lost her spirit, or her ability to nag me to get married and give her grandchildren. It's been tough, but it turns out my mom's a pretty amazing person. But on the weekends -- at least those that I'm not working my ass off -- I've been spending as much time as I can with my family. It's actually pretty relaxing, and I've never been one to complain about homecooked meals.
So, that's my current life in a nutshell: I kind of have a girlfriend (maybe), I have an internship that isn't paying me anything either money-wise or experience-wise, I'm still dispensing cash to people who are actually making money, and I have no time to spend with the aforementioned would be/could be/maybe girlfriend. But things are pretty good. I can't complain.
Schoole daze
I'm into my second month of classes this semester, and they're kicking my ass pretty badly. Why does a voice major have to take calculus? Taking on a few students hasn't helped my situation, either. But I love kids, I love listening to them sing, I love how they don't care who hears them or what they sound like. They just have fun. If they could tell me how to do integrals, it would be the perfect job!
Yes, I'm still working at Brews Bros, but not nearly as often. Between class, giving and taking private lessons, and trying to squeeze in sleeping occasionally, there aren't many hours to devote to the espresso machines. Not that it's a bad thing, my hair doesn't smell like coffee all the time anymore (people think they like the aroma of coffee. They haven't been around it for 8 hours a day for an entire summer.) and I've cut back on my sugary drink intake. Plus, Wyatt got the idea that employees should start paying something for their drinks, even while on the job, so it's gotten a little less fun. And the employee turnover that we've had has been bad. This new crop of fresh faces seem alright, but they're nowhere near as fun as some of the old crew.
Chad and I are "dating" right now. What that exactly means, who knows. Neither of us have much time, he's doing an internship at a local radio station in addition to trying to get things lined up to graduate in the spring. His internship isn't exactly what he expected, unfortunately. He thought he would be assisting the DJ's, maybe running the switchboards and eventually even getting some airtime. Instead, he's opening mail, sorting through files, listening to people bitching about each other behind their backs, and basically being a glorified secretary. To top it off, he's not getting paid for it, so he still has to spend his weekends at the bank. So when we do have time together, most of it is spent venting to each other, or sleeping. He does come in to see me on my occasional shifts at Brews, but usually in the middle of the day he's so flustered he doesn't seem to enjoy his iced teas as much. He still loves the cookies, though.
Yes, I'm still working at Brews Bros, but not nearly as often. Between class, giving and taking private lessons, and trying to squeeze in sleeping occasionally, there aren't many hours to devote to the espresso machines. Not that it's a bad thing, my hair doesn't smell like coffee all the time anymore (people think they like the aroma of coffee. They haven't been around it for 8 hours a day for an entire summer.) and I've cut back on my sugary drink intake. Plus, Wyatt got the idea that employees should start paying something for their drinks, even while on the job, so it's gotten a little less fun. And the employee turnover that we've had has been bad. This new crop of fresh faces seem alright, but they're nowhere near as fun as some of the old crew.
Chad and I are "dating" right now. What that exactly means, who knows. Neither of us have much time, he's doing an internship at a local radio station in addition to trying to get things lined up to graduate in the spring. His internship isn't exactly what he expected, unfortunately. He thought he would be assisting the DJ's, maybe running the switchboards and eventually even getting some airtime. Instead, he's opening mail, sorting through files, listening to people bitching about each other behind their backs, and basically being a glorified secretary. To top it off, he's not getting paid for it, so he still has to spend his weekends at the bank. So when we do have time together, most of it is spent venting to each other, or sleeping. He does come in to see me on my occasional shifts at Brews, but usually in the middle of the day he's so flustered he doesn't seem to enjoy his iced teas as much. He still loves the cookies, though.
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